Imbecilic ramblings of a fool

Rant #0001

2007-03-19T19:09:00.000+12:00

" In the darkness of the night, the silence is deafening "

Bukkake Udon - wtf?

2007-03-11T18:40:00.000+13:00

I'm back ma bitches! Anyhow, when I was surfing for a good recipe for dry pan mee, I came across this recipe for "Bukkake" Udon.

"You may put various toppings, such as boiled eggs, boiled meat, boiled vegetables, and so on."

When naming things .. don't they realise

I wonder if she will like it. Hahaha, anyhow, if you want to make your very own Bukkake Udon, head on to this link. Let me know if you have tried it since there is no way in hell I'm eating bukkake. =P

Children of Men

2006-11-30T10:12:00.000+13:00

I haven’t been blogging for a while now. It’s not that I’m busy, I guess it’s just there doesn’t seem to be much for me to write about! Which means my life is now awfully boring. Ah well.

I don’t usually do movie reviews here, but I’ll make an exception this time. I’m reviewing the movie “Children of Men”. Since the title has 3 words, I’m going to write my review using three words; “Absolutely fucking brilliant”. So there, go watch it. I’m really feeling this movie deserves at least an Oscar nomination, since I can’t think of many good movies I’ve seen this year. It’s a pretty crap year for movies now isn’t it?

If anyone thinks there is another movie that deserves an Oscar apart from Children of Men, let me know. I need to go see it.

** Update – I’ve just surfed through a few “Oscar prediction” sites, and none of them listen Children of Men to be a front runner! The outrage! However, to be honest I haven’t seen most of the other movies that are tipped to win Best Picture (apart from The Departed, which I thought was just so so). My excuse is that most of the movies aren’t even showing here in NZ yet! Damn you NZ cinemas! **

Things that grind my gears: “Everyone else is doing it!”

2006-10-18T09:40:00.000+13:00

I really hate people who justify their wrongdoings by saying “Well, everyone else is doing it, why not punish them first?” Look, it does not matter how many people are doing it, it is still wrong! There are many people that wear white socks with black shoes, but it still doesn’t make that cool now does it?

A few years ago, I went to the movies and there was this couple sitting right behind me. It was a horror movie, and everytime the music was going to reach a crescendo, the guy would say “Ahhh, hantu nak keluar ni!” (Ohhh, a ghost is coming out!). Thank you genius. If you didn’t make that statement, I would have thought the music meant a commercial break was next. I’m sure it’s because he wanted to impress his girlfriend. The girl would then ask every 5 minutes, “Ehh … tak faham la, apa yang lelaki tu cakap?” (I don’t understand, what did the guy say?). If you are too fucking stupid to understand, don’t fucking watch!

So, after 30 minutes of endless crap from the couple, I turned around and said in a polite manner “Excuse me Sir, can you please lower down your voice slightly? It’s disturbing my friends and I from enjoying the show” (In Malay of course) You know what they said next? “Eleh le le le, kerek-nya! Ada banyak orang kat front row tu pun bising, kenapa kamu tak suruh mereka senyap?” (Wow, so arrogant. There are tons of people in the front row making noise, why not ask them to shut up?)

I replied that they were in the front row, and I can’t hear them. The couple then said they would shut up when everyone does. I then gave up, not because I was scared, but because I was dumbfucked by their stupidity. How can anyone be so stupid? They did shut up after that however.

Unfortunately, this happens too often in real life as well. Malaysians continue to bribe the police because ‘everyone else is doing it’. We still double and triple park because ‘everyone is doing it too’. We still use the emergency lane in a traffic jam, because ‘everyone is doing it too’. Stuff it. We have to realise that “Everyone is doing it too” is a statement, not an excuse.

Lastly, I think there should be a rule for the cinemas. Everyone that buys a ticket must show their ID cards and their number entered in the computer. There should be an usher in every theatre to check for fuckwits. There should also be a point system;

Talking loudly in the cinema - 30 points
Not shutting up after someone asks you to lower your voice - mandatory castration
Cell phone rings in the middle of the movie and they quickly turn it off - 10 points
Cell phone rings for the second time - 40 points
Actually answering your cell phone - death by stoning
Constantly kicking the seat in front of you - 30 points
Continue kicking after someone asks you to stop - Amputation of both legs

There. When someone reaches 100 points, they are banned from the movies for 1 year. Pretty much like a drivers licence. Pretty sweet don’t you think? Let me know if you agree.

Right to education

2006-10-15T03:01:00.000+13:00

I’ve had a recent conversation with several good friends today about a teacher’s role in society. There was a story that came up (it was in Chinese, so I’ll loosely translate it to English) about a guy that interrupted the teacher during a classical English class (classical Chinese in the original story, you get the drift) and asked “Teacher, what is a phallus?” The student was promptly asked to leave the class.

Now most of my friends agreed that the student was out of line, except me. I thought the teacher was out of line. Why? I believe in the right to education/information. If someone asks a teacher something remotely related to the class he/she is teaching, I think the teacher has an obligation to answer it. No one agreed with me, which I honestly thought it was odd.

I do think that’s what a teacher’s role is: to educate. Even if it is, I admit, rather out of topic, but it is still a valid English question. If the student asked how babies were made in a classical English class, then of course the teacher has a right to ask him/her to ask a bio/sex ed teacher. However, the student simply did not know the meaning of phallus, which is, I believe, related to the English language. We have to get the message across that asking questions is a good thing, and not punish them for it.

This does raise an ethical question. For example, if in a Chemistry class someone asks the teacher “I’ve heard you can make a bomb using fertiliser and fuel. How do I make one?” the big question is should the teacher answer or not. In my opinion, the teacher should answer it. If the student asks the question in the first place, he must have put some thought into it and is going to find out somehow. Would you rather he/she learn it from someone else (that might have other motives) or from a responsible person like a teacher (I’m assuming most teachers are ethical, which not all are, but that’s a story for another time).

Remember a few years ago (and maybe even now) when people were thinking if teachers should teach sex education in schools? It is the same situation. I rather have my kids learn sex from a teacher (or preferably from me) than from his/her friends/chatroom/internet. At least if the teacher teaches a student how to make a bomb, he/she can tell the student how dangerous it is, and the related implications. If you think that if no one is willing to teach the student, he/she won’t find out, you are very very naïve.

You can find almost anything on the internet. Even if you don’t, ask the right people in the right forum and you will get an answer. It probably won’t be good answers, but answers nonetheless. Would you want your child to learn sex from the internet (where men treat women as objects and calling them slut/bitches) or from a teacher/parent (whom hopefully will teach the child that sex is a beautiful thing between two loved ones).

Another thing that gets on my nerves. Someone told me “There is no point arguing it with us. Why don’t you become the education minister and change our education system?” I don’t have to be in power to actually care about something. If everyone thinks there is no point in voicing your opinion because you don’t have the power to do something, the world is fucked. Seriously.

Guide to fake your virginity

2006-10-12T23:34:00.000+13:00

I’ve recently talked to several people that think most Asian guys mind if their girlfriend/wife isn’t a virgin. I for one don’t really care, but that’s another story. This is my guide for girls that want to fake their virginity. All you need to do, is make sure your guy is a virgin too (if he isn’t, and he wants a virgin girlfriend, shoot him). Then, have sex with him for the first time when you are having your period.

Ignorant virgin guy + sees blood = Thinks the girl is a virgin.

Let me show you an example:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guy: I think we have been going out long enough for us to take the next step in our relationship. Please tell me you are a virgin, I’ll be heartbroken if you aren’t. (stupid guy)

Girl: Oh I am a virgin. But I’m not emotionally prepared now. Let me summon enough courage first. If you love me, you’ll wait for me right? (typical excuse a girl gives a guy, no suspicions)

Guy: Of course I love you. I’ll wait for as long as you want.

~.~.~.~.~ Several days pass ~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Girl (having her period): Oh darling. I think I’m finally ready. Take me. Take me now!

~.~.~.~.~~ 2 minutes pass (hey, he is a virgin remember?) ~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Guy: Oh goodness! There is so much blood! Is it supposed to be like this?

Girl: Oh, it just means you broke my hymen. I’m a virgin remember?

Guy: Oh yeah. So much blood. You must be a SUPER VIRGIN!

Girl: …….

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me know if my guide works.

Happy Birthday Lynette!

2006-09-30T14:21:00.000+12:00

Well … as the title suggests, Happy Birthday to my Moosie. Have a good one babes.

Every drop of pains is pains!

2006-09-27T17:51:00.000+12:00

I’ve recently came across a poem written by Malaysia’s top poet posted on LowYat’s forum. Here are several quotes from the thread;

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This thread open for linguist and top poets and ppl who enjoying english poetry and that kinds.

I started with a beautiful selfmade poem writting in quite amazing styling and flow.

We flew, in the low,
We caught, never to lie down,
Every drop of pains is pains,
Every house that came down, I blamed them,
I watches, and watches,
I dances, in the high,
Every part of pains is pains,
Every car that came, he blamed us,
He didnt see it coming,
I drop down in flow,
in the low..

I hoping critical comments abt the poem, and contributes of your own poem too. this is lacking in lowyat.net. a good higher class linguist thread.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
are u a poet? even if u are, who making u control the language? it is free for us to use and improved.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
english is more than just grammar, english is freed and opened.

manglish is a subtype of english and beautiful in own. poetry are free and open. and beautiful

what do u feel when reading the poetry? the flow, it flows.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you tried hard. it is only semi acception.

your layering of meaning and meanings are often single dimensioned. try to introducing doublex, triplex, and more meaning in each sentence. using double connection, vertical level connection, maybe even morer.

here example of a 3d poem (imagine it a cubic poem)

Wonders of art, into depth,
Beauty are language, of master and mastery,
Together the rain felling down, it flows,
I spoke to the sky, I asking the moon,
Where is the love?

U see, simple and beautiful.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
do not alarm. my grammar may not perfect, but I wield english like a sword of a drunk master. I weave in out like snake. THe english is clay of multiformed, shaped. this is poet intended.

you seem want to contributes. do not let my grammar stopping you. contribute your owns and we watch with open arms.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quotes are taken directly from the forum with no alteration whatsoever. The poem …. well … it certainly brought a tear to my eye! Click here to see the thread.

I shall now "drop down in flow ... in the low"

Sonic Boom Heard in Christchurch

2006-09-12T22:54:00.000+12:00

Well, this would be very old news to anyone living in Christchurch (or in New Zealand). So, if this is you, feel free to tune out now. For those in other parts of the country, let me tell you my encounter.

It was a very nice day, and we (classmates and Yvonne) decided to head on down to Sumner beach for the day. When we reached there, we heard a short, loud explosion coming from the sky. Most people were dumbstruck, staring up in the sky wondering what the fuck happened. Then people started talking, speculating what might have happened.

Since it was around 3pm, 12 September, most people automatically figured there must have been a terrorist attack (since NZ is a day early from the US). The emergency phone lines went nuts after that, with people coming up with the strangest of stories. People that lived near the airport reported that they heard “A plane crash”, some spoke of earthquakes.

A poor old lady that I spoke to later in the day told me that her house further down the beach shook quite violently when the explosion was heard. We were in the middle of the beach, so probably didn’t take the boom so seriously. My guess was that the explosion was due to a sonic boom from a jet. Now this is very weird as Sumner wasn’t anywhere near an airport, nor does New Zealand have any jets capable of producing a sonic boom that loud. Later on I found out that I wasn’t too far away from the truth.

It was a meteor that caused the sonic boom. Imagine that. A meteor. According to academics at University of Canterbury, the meteor should have been traveling at 10,000 – 20,000 m/s when it just started to break through our atmosphere (sound travels at around 340 m/s if I’m not mistaken). The thicker air in the lower parts of our atmosphere slowed the meteor down to about 700 m/s, which put so much force on the meteor that it broke it into a ball of smoke.

Funny thing is, most academics agreed that the meteor shouldn’t be larger than a basketball. Imagine something as small as that caused effects very similar to an earthquake. For further information on this, do see these links below;

News release in Christchurch’s newspaper

Account of what happened from residents that heard the boom

Are girls becoming more materialistic?

2006-08-07T15:12:00.000+12:00

Pardon the seemingly sexist title. Let me just put it out there that I’m disgusted at guys that go for looks only. So in saying that, let’s get on with the topic. I’ve recently read this post on a forum (don’t ask me why I was reading THAT forum). Now from the posts I gathered there, most women wants their partners to at least have a degree. Now this gets to me.

The question I want to ask is why? Why does a piece of paper make that much of a difference in whether you will accept them or not? For anyone that says “I want a smart boyfriend that has the same level of intelligence as I do” you are very wrong. A degree does NOT indicate intelligence. In my opinion it does not indicate knowledge either. Take me for example. I’m the most idiotic person in the entire world (I can envision Yvonne stepping in, nodding her head and saying “Yar, he can’t even open doors”) and I’m a few months away from completing my degree.

From the forum, I can see girls want a guy that is hardworking, ambitious, makes good money, blah blah. What has success have anything to do with love? In my opinion, I view someone that strives to be the greatest surgeon in the world and someone that wants to be the greatest waitress in the world with equal respect. In this world where women want equal rights, there shouldn’t be any woman that wants their partners to support them.

For those that want “someone that share the same work they do so that they can talk about it”, it sounds a little narcissist to me. I don’t want my partner to have the same job as I do. I want to hear her experience in a totally different career. I want variety. I don’t want to talk to someone that is a mirror image of myself. Moreover, I don’t have to be studying medicine to appreciate the work that you do, or want to listen about your day at the hospital. In fact, if my girlfriend was a chemical engineer working in the same field as I am, I would have less interest to hear what she has to say.

So ladies, why do you require your partner to be successful? Is it so you can brag to your girlfriends that you snagged a rich doctor? Is it so you can use his money to buy more shoes? Is it because you just can’t stand the fact that your partner sits around at home while you work/study your ass off? If you do, let me know and I’ll lay this issue to rest. There isn’t any shame in saying so.

I for one understand the feeling where your partner sits around doing nothing while you have to slave at work. However, I get it that I have no right to feel angry/upset at them (it’s their life, let them live it how they see fit). But I still do. Hey, human nature right? Guys that go after those insanely hot chicks all want to show their girlfriends off to their mates. So I’m guessing girls that got a hot dashing doctor wants to show them off too?

In fact, I’m so worried about what girls want in a guy that from now on, I’m telling every new girl I meet that I dropped out of school because I kept failing my SPM and got a job as a factory worker. I’ll still talk the same way I always do; just they will think I’m uneducated. I want to be loved for who I am, not how much I earn or how successful I am. If you want diamonds, go work part time until you get enough money to buy some. So there.

Disposable Chopsticks cause Cancer? Bullshit.

2006-08-06T15:21:00.000+12:00

OK, I’ve received several e-mails regarding the “Disposable chopsticks cause cancer”. Now, I’m no chemistry expert, but I do have some scientific background. So let’s tackle this issue from a scientific angle. If you have not heard about this story, there are several versions of this e-mail going around. You can read them here.

I got the one with the “Professor Jackson Mathis”. Who the hell is he? Which university is he from? If you receive an e-mail that states that ‘some professor’ says something without letting you know which University he comes from, turn on your bullshit alarm.

First off, I must say I haven’t tried soaking chopsticks in hot boiling water for a few minutes. However, even if this fact is true, it still doesn’t say anything about it. If you boil some healthy foods, they will release white stuff too. So someone let me know if they have actually tried this.

First off, the e-mail suggests that the white substance is a bleaching agent which “chemical ph level is believe to be more than a thousand times over the general permissible / acceptable international standards”. Now, doing a quick google search, I found that orange marmalade has a pH of 3.00, which is slightly acidic and birds nest soup is 7.2-7.6 which is slightly above neutral. How can something be a thousand times over the general permissible level?

Sulphuric acid, which has a pH of 1 will burn the skin off you. So, if the report is true, and indeed the white substance has a very low/high pH, your lips will be fried once you put your chopsticks in your mouth. Cancer is the least of your worries. I’ve eaten a lot of food with disposable chopsticks before, and I still have sexy lips.

Other versions of the e-mail then goes to state that the bleaching agent is actually sulphur dioxide. Sulphur dioxide is a gas, and inhaling it will indeed cause some respiratory problems especially those with asthma. So if you start to smell some pungent gas coming from your chopsticks when you dip it into hot water, you have a problem. But you don’t (and I doubt you ever will), so I doubt chopsticks releases sulphur dioxide gas.

So, I’ll assume that they are talking about sulfites. Now, there are a few studies out there linking sulfites to respiratory problems. If you have sulfite sensitivity, then ingesting sulfites will indeed give you trouble. But if you aren’t, then you shouldn’t have a problem as sulfites are converted to harmless sulphates and passed through the body through your urine.

Sulfites are present in other foods like wine, beer and canned foods as well. Look at the labels next time you buy something. Chances are, you have been consuming foods that have sulfites in them for years and you just didn’t know it. So why the sudden concern now? Oh right, the cancer bit.

There hasn’t been any indication that sulfites cause cancer. No studies, no reports, none whatsoever. Same goes to sulphur dioxide. Don’t you see the irony in this? Walk past hundreds of cars everyday churning out toxic gasses? No problem. Drinking beer and eating canned mushrooms? No problem. Unconfirmed article about chopsticks containing sulphur dioxide giving you cancer? ZOMG, WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!1111!!

Bullshit.

Friendly? Or just flirty?

2006-07-27T12:32:00.000+12:00

If you have been through high school, you will still remember a time where people will accuse you of liking someone after two of you exchange a smile.

“Wah brader, I saw Michelle smiling at you! You and her together already issit? Not yet? Must be you like her lar right?”

If by any chance you are seen talking to a girl alone, you two are officially an item. Of course I’m talking about a more traditional time. Most students in high school now won’t know what I’m talking about. Thing is, since it’s been years since I’ve been in high school, I thought that I’ve finally gotten out of that stage for good. But alas, no.

Earlier this year, two of my best friends said that I was a flirt. Problem is, they say that I’m only a flirt around very attractive women. This actually gets to me somewhat. How come when I talk to a less attractive girl, I’m just being friendly but when I’m talking to a hot chick I turn into a man-slut? I don’t see any difference in my behaviour at all. If any, I would say I’m more comfortable with less attractive girls (I’m talking in general terms, but I find less attractive girls have brilliant personalities and of course, hot chicks usually don’t talk to me)

So I was shocked when two of my closest and dearest friends told me that I was such a flirt in front of a particular girl which will remain unnamed. This puzzled me since I didn’t feel any attraction whatsoever towards her. How can I flirt (or successfully flirt) with someone that I don’t have feelings for? When I flirt, you will know that I’m flirting. “Hey baby, just a quick text to say that I’m thinking of you” is flirting. “Hey girl, it’s been ages since we met! Let’s go out for coffee!” is not flirting.

Just recently, I went clubbing with a few of my classmates (all girls). For some reason unknown to me, Yvonne and Yeena were asked by my classmates if I was going for this girl (lets call her Pineapple). Was it because I was sitting with her instead of dancing with the rest of them? Well, she was too drunk to dance and wouldn’t it be really bad to let her sit alone in a club intoxicated? If Pineapple was a guy, I would still sit there with him. Does that make me gay?

So why do we still do this? If I see my mate talking to a stunning blonde, I won’t assume he is after her. Unless of course he IS a man-slut. So I’ve been wondering … do people see me as a man-slut?

Inefficient Police Force

2006-07-21T14:18:00.000+12:00

I’m starting to get a little ticked off about the policing standard here in New Zealand. Don’t get me wrong, I think the police here are still better than the ones in Malaysia. At the very least they aren’t as corrupted. The big issue here would probably be the lack of manpower in the force.

Recently, there have been loads and loads of cases where student flats were broken into and students robbed blind. Now I understand this happens everywhere in the world since students are easy targets. It’s easy to spot a student flat, and adding the fact that most students wouldn’t be in the same house long enough to create a lasting relationship with the neighbours. Plus students usually bring along goodies like their laptops, DVD players and iPods.

What gets to me is how the police react to a break in. It’s the standard practice here that if you report a break in at around noon, the police will come over to have a look at your place the next day. Sometimes the police flat out refused to come over to have a look at all giving the excuse that they are understaffed. I mean what the hell? If you have experienced a break in before, you know how stressful they can be.

You won’t be able to go out, you can’t sleep, you wash your bedsheets and everything else again and again hoping to wash off all remains of the fucker that invaded your private space. Worse of all, you can’t touch anything that might be evidence. If your bed has been messed with, it means you have to sleep on the floor, or the couch until the police comes around.

Now comes the interesting bit. It mostly happens to international students. The police are exceptionally slow to respond when a foreign student gets robbed. I understand that I can’t generalize since I’ve only talked to a handful of students. But I do see a pattern. When one of my Kiwi classmates gets robbed, the police are usually there the same day. When one of my Chinese friends gets robbed, the police don’t even bother coming over.

What message do you think this sends out to the robbers? They might as well put up a big neon sign on top of each foreign student’s flat blinking “Free stuff!” This year, there have been a remarkable number of international student’s flats getting robbed while they were at Uni. This really pisses me off.

We (as in international students) play a major impact in the New Zealand economy. One third of New Zealand’s economy is based on international students. We pay full international fees, we put our money into banks, we buy New Zealand made products, and we pay equal taxes when we work here. So the least NZ can do is send a bloody police officer to our flats when we get robbed!

They keep saying that they don’t have enough staff to handle all police reports. I understand that a break in has a lower importance than lets say a murder or rape. However, the thing that gets to me is the number of speeding tickets given out. I have less chances of getting away if I speed than if I rob someone. If I drink 2 beers before driving home from the pub, I have a good chance of getting a big fine. If I drink 5 beers and rob someone on the way home, they’ll never catch me. Why? The police are too busy catching speeders.

In the 4 years I’ve been here, I’ve never heard of a case where the police managed to catch the burglar. NEVER. And I’ve seen my fair share of burglaries. I have, however, heard of people getting speeding tickets, tickets because their WOF ran out, tickets for not wearing a seat belt and tickets for not wearing a helmet while cycling. Not wearing a helmet. They have time to patrol around and give someone a ticket for not wearing a helmet while one block away, someone is breaking into an international student’s flat.

If you are studying here, and someone actually did break in and stole your shit I have some advice for you. Ask a friend to wear some gloves, take a pipe and hit you on the head hard. Make sure it bleeds. Wait for an hour, and then call the police saying someone broke into your house, knocked you unconscious, raped you and stole your laptop. So you will have breaking and entering, assault, attempted murder and rape. Maybe then a police car will come over. Just maybe.

“Things that grind my gears” – Perfect people

2006-07-20T12:42:00.000+12:00

You know what grinds my gears? People who are always perfect. I can see most people starting to nod their heads in unison. Most of us would have come across people like this in their lifetimes. Maybe it’s the guy/girl in class that always pulls in perfect marks or the hot rich guy that seems to get every girl he ever wants.

I believe in equality. If you can pull in A+ for every subject with minimal study, you must at least be ugly so that you’ll have to work extra hard to get a girl/guy. If you are very good in sports and possess a body of a Greek god, you better be very stupid to even out the odds. Unfortunately the world isn’t fair.

Take J for example, one of my classmates. She is so perfect in everyway that it makes the rest of us look bad even on our best days. She is extremely smart, works well in a team, has a very interesting personality, gives a wicked presentation/interview and to top it all off, she is hot. I wouldn’t be surprised if she walked around like she owns the world, but noooooo, she is as down to earth as anyone I know.

I call her superwoman. It bothers me more than a bit to be studying in the same class as she is. I mean, our grades are scaled based on how our class performs and she usually pulls the scale towards the higher end. After an exceptionally tough exam you go out feeling like crap, and she walks cheerfully out saying “Yeah, question 5(b) got me thinking a bit. It was quite hard don’t you think?” And you are there thinking “Fuck, there was a question 5?”

Worse of all is when it comes to interviews. You submit your CV, and give a really big smile when the company asks you back for an interview. You think “Oh, finally a company is interested at what I have to offer!” Then on the day of the interview, you patiently wait for your turn and you see superwoman coming out of the interview all cheerful and saying how great the interview went.

You then shrug it off and hope to get the next job on offer. Then again you see her trying for the same job. And then the next and the next. I can tell you, it’s hard to compete with superwoman. She has everything. If you think you might edge her out with your extra-curricular activities, think again. She has done things that you can only dream about. Worse of all, I shudder to think that there might be another J somewhere else in NZ, making job hunting all the more difficult.

Thing is, try as I might, I can’t hate her. In fact, I think she is wonderful and we are good friends. See, she isn’t even hated. Dammit, the world isn’t fair.

Why go to University anyway?

2006-06-16T11:17:00.000+12:00

I’ve been procrastinating a lot lately. Honestly, I regretted coming to University and studying Chemical Engineering. I should have not given in to my parents persuasions and went ahead to do what I’ve always wanted to do. Open a chak fan stall.

Yeah, I’m not kidding. I’ve even had everything planned out. First I’m going to open a stall near a uni/dorm/college where hungry students are plentiful. Then I’m going to hire someone to cook all the dishes for me. All I have to do, is sit there the whole day, chasing flies away and charging customers at a variable rate of my choosing. Leng lui? RM2. Slick guy in a suit? RM6.

Then I will start to expand the business. I would put up an online-chak-fan delivery service. I even had the website’s name figured out: “www.chak-fan.com”. The first thing that you will see when you log on, will be the company’s motto “Changing the world one dish at a time”. Then I’ll expand it to other countries, like New Zealand where I can’t find a half decent chak fan stall anywhere.

All you arses that insist on going to University must be asking “Where will you get your initial model from?” Well, from the money that I’m supposed to spend going to University of course! Don’t believe me? Let’s look at two cases: Mr. Monash who went to Monash and studied Engineering and Ah Beng, who didn’t go to University.

Mr. Monash

Studying at Monash University, Australia, Mr. Monash needs to pay a yearly tuition fee of AUD24,500 for a 4 year course. Then he needs approximately another AUD18,000 for living expenses (source, Monash’s website). Converted, it would be around RM114874.10. So in 4 years, Mr. Monash would have to fork out RM460,000. Now after 4 years of hard work, he graduates with a piece of paper, recognition and knowledge. Then he looks for a job.

Let’s say for arguments sake he chose the more economical option; working in Australia. The average starting salary for an engineer is around AUD40,000. Let’s say again that he signs a 2 year graduate programme, and after that, his salary increases to AUD50,000. Then after that, an increase of 10% every year. Let’s say again that his living expenses is around AUD24,000 per year (I’m being very generous here, usually if you buy a house your expenses will be more). From Australia’s tax code (15% from 6000-21,600 and 30% from 21,600 to 63,000), he gets taxed AUD10,000 a year (For a salary of AUD40,000).

Thus from my extremely simplified approximation, it will take him approximately 10 years to pay off his RM460,000 loan (and that is if the loan is interest free). So after 14 years, Mr. Monash is finally debt free. Lets now look at Ah Beng;

Ah Beng

Instead of going to University, Ah Beng’s parents took the RM460,000 and used that to buy 3 investment properties. Again another simplification is that each property returns RM1,500 a month in rent. So in a year, he gets RM54,000 from his rent. Lets say he waits 6 months before opening up a chak fan stall and uses up all his rental income as an initial investment to get it running. Then from that day onwards, his chak fan stall earns RM2000 a month. So for year 1 he earns RM39,000. Year 2 he earns RM78,000. Of course being a business there are many ways to reduce tax, but lets just say he gets taxed at 25% (I’m lazy to calculate the variable rate). After 2 years, he earns RM87,750 after tax.

Then lets say he uses that money to either pay the downpayment for a positive geared house, or uses it to expand his business. But since I’m lazy and there are too many possible variations if he goes either way, I’m gonna say he puts all his earnings into a fixed term deposit of 7% interest p.a. (which is really stupid, but still). Then his living expenses will be RM2,000. He doesn’t need to pay for food remember? So all his money goes to mortgage payments and to pay off his loans for his car and other stuff.

So at the end of 14 years, Ah Beng is a millionare (my calculation shows that he has around RM1 million after 14 years). Of course, if he used that money to buy more property or expand his business, he will be worth a lot more.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So after 15 years, Mr. Monash and Ah Beng meet at their school gathering. Mr. Monash is now debt free and earning quite a lot as a professional chartered engineer. He lives in a big house (which is still under mortgage), drives a flash car and works 40 hours a week. He brags that he earns AUD70,000 a year.

In the past year, Ah Beng has used his million dollars to buy 5 more properties, each giving him RM1,500 a month in income. He now earns RM144,000 a year from his properties alone. He then pays off the remaining debt to his parents. He too owns a big house, drives a flash car and works 5 hours a week just making sure his investments are all in order. He hires someone to take care of his chak-fan stall, and uses his spare time to do voluntary work and spend time with his family. He is now officially retired.

Naaaaahhhhh, see what I mean? So what if Ah Beng isn’t as educated? So what if Ah Beng can’t understand how fluid flows or how to separate solvents? He has money, and enough time to spend with his family. For those people that are whipping out Excel now and checking my calculations, I didn’t really do exact calculations ok. But do go ahead and do more detail ones. I want to know if my theory is correct.

** EDIT : OK, since there seem to be some confusion let me state that I'm assuming that both Mr.Monash and Ah Beng will be taking out a loan of RM460,000 from their parents which they have to pay back one day. If however both take out a loan from the bank, Ah Beng has the advantage because there are tax breaks for buying property instead of a student loan. I failed factor in Ah Beng's repayment to his parents, so I'm gonna take the lazy man's approach and say he pays it of at year 14. Then he still has half a million dollars in the bank, 3 properties and a business. Still way better off than Mr.Monash.

What I'm trying to point out from this long post is that choosing to go to University should be a personal choice, not a mandatory requirement. If you are passionate about learning more about Physics/Chemistry/Engineering/Medicine, by all means go. But if you are like me and you are going to University so that one day you can make lots of money, I'm telling you there are other choices available. Too many people think that if you don't go to University, you will not have a bright future. So they go with the flow and head on to University, take on a degree that pays well (Lawyer/Doctor, etc) and find that they struggle because they don't have the passion for the subject in the first place.

Education is extremely important. I'm stating it doesn't matter where your education comes from. Experience is a wonderful way of learning. Success is measured in many ways, some think graduating from Harvard is success, some think having lots of money is success. My view of success is having time to do the things you love and not having to constantly worry about money. So if money is your sole motivator, re-think your University plans. If learning is your motivator, then go to University.**

“Things that grind my gears” - Political Correctness

2006-06-15T15:59:00.000+12:00

If you have watched family guy, you will be quite familiar with this segment. If not, let me explain. Sometimes I am too busy or too tired to think of anything interesting to blog about. So rather than blogging about how great my 20 minute power-nap was, I choose not to write anything at all. So if you see a hiatus, I’m too busy doing work.

However, as Yvonne pointed out, I’m like a fat old grumpy man that likes to complain about everything under the sun. Just like Peter Griffin. So now instead of having a one-month hiatus everytime work piles up, I’m gonna have this weekly segment of “Things that grind my gears”. So here goes;

You know what grinds my gears? Political correctness (PC). We are living in an age where people are now more conscious about not offending anyone. Companies have started using the term “Chair-person” instead of “Chairman” so that they don’t piss off women. Christmas tree becoming a Holiday tree so not to piss off non-Christians. Juvenile delinquents being called children at risk to not piss off children.

I’ve recently heard that during a school sports day, they refused to give out medals for the best athlete, but rather gave a medal for the ‘neatest dressed person’. Are we all becoming retarded? I can imagine the poor child that trained from sunrise to sundown, gave it his (or can very well be her – see, isn’t it retarded because I have to say this?) all and got first place in the 100m sprint. Then his shiny gold medal went to the fucker that stood on a chair screaming the entire time because they didn’t want to touch mud.

I mean, what the fuck? If someone comes in last, ask them to train harder and come back next year. You do not reward failure! I’m not saying we should beat the person coming in last to a pulp, but we shouldn’t encourage failure. If I ever come in last in a marathon, I’ll be offended if someone took the winner’s medal and gave it to me to reward me for my ‘determination’. Don’t they care about pissing off the winner?

Nowdays when I respond to the question “Who is George?” with “Oh, he is the black dude in our class” I’m labelled a racist. I’ll get dirty looks and people saying “Why must you describe him by his skin colour? He has a name you know. Can’t you just say he is the one who always hangs around in the library?” Look. You just asked who George is. I’m not retarded enough to answer George is George. If I say “Oh, he is the one that hangs out in the library”, you will ask “Which one?”. So isn’t it easier, for all of us to describe someone by his/her distinguishing feature?

If someone asks “Who is Yoong Wei?” I fully expect them to say “He is the fat one”. Or if I’m the only Asian in class, “He is the Asian one”. I will not be offended, and neither should you.

Exam Superstitions

2006-06-13T12:29:00.000+12:00

Exams are right around the corner. In this age, people have taken an unhealthy obsession on exam results. Just take Japan for example. On the day of entrance exams, you can see parents praying right outside the school gate. There is madness for you.

I remember taken loads of tuition classes when I was growing up. I tend to disagree on this result-orientated obsession we have. I think understanding what you have learnt and being able to apply it in the real world is more important than straight As. But that is a story for another day.

I’ve been thinking about silly exam related superstitions. We all have them to some degree (well, most of us anyway). Here are some superstitions that I’ve managed to find through the net;

Using lucky pens/pencils – I’ve even read about this one doctor that has been using his lucky pencil for important exams since high school. This seems like a very common superstition. So if I’m going to sit for an important exam, I’m going to steal everyone’s pencil case. There goes your luck.

Wearing lucky underwear/shirts/socks – Wow. What if you have exams on consecutive days? Like 5 exams in 5 days? That will make a good conversation now won’t it? “Man, I scored 5 A+ for my finals! But I seem to have grown a weird rash on my crotch …”

Not wearing underwear – And I quote; "I like to take the exam without a bra on," Fairchild-Manning said. "I don't want to restrict blood flow to my brain via my boobs." taken here. So should guys masturbate feverishly before exams so that blood will rush up instead of down?

Eating ‘brain-food’ (like fish for example) – I can still remember my friend’s mom forcing her to take fish 3 times a day while studying for her SPM. Look, I don’t care which scientist told you that eating fish increases your studying ability. Do you honestly think that if you suddenly start eating fish for 1 week, you can increase your brain capacity?

And of course, some of the more perculiar exam rituals;

Taking three Mountain Dews, two calculators, and new pencils to the examination and playing the theme from Rocky in your head. – I’m not kidding, go here for the article.

Watching a movie marathon the night before your exams – Medical students like to watch re-runs of ER, lawyers The Practice and history majors Star Wars (just kidding). What about us engineers? Prison break. Hell yeah.

This … this is too messed up for words – “I call my pre-exam ritual "the Terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from T2 and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me arive to the test site as an emotionless, cyborg badass.” taken here.

Now of course I point and laugh at these lunatics whenever they mention their pre-exam rituals. I don’t believe in God, the Devil and every stupid superstitions like Friday the 13th. However, I too fall victim to exam superstitions. Here are some of mine;

Always bring my lucky folder to the exam hall – Well, I used to do this until half way through highschool. Surprisingly, my grades actually dropped when I stopped using it. Spooky.

Always gel up my hair to resemble the hairstyle of a nerd – I’m not kidding. Back in high school I didn’t use any hair products, but come exam time my hair will shine of hair cream.

Wear the same fragrance throughout study break and into the exam hall – Heh, I’ve been telling you guys that this works but no one believed me. You all pointed at me, laughing and calling me a freak. Now some scientist went and actually proved that it works, now you guys are starting to do the same. Bastards.

Don’t study in the last hour and a half before the exam – Well, I still do this even until now. I don’t even talk to any of my classmates before the exam. This bugs the hell out of my classmates. There they are, looking through their neatly prepared summary sheet 20 minutes before the start of exam. Then I stand right next to them doing nothing, whistling the theme to Rocky. They think I’ve come prepared. They look back down to their notes and start to panic.

“Omg I have 2 pages left to memorize! Omg, Yoong Wei is not doing anything. Is that …. Rocky he is whistling? Omg he must think this exam is easy. I haven't prepared enough! Omg omg OMG!” Then they shit themselves. In reality I am probably less prepared than they are. Heh.

So what about you guys? Any pre-exam rituals that you would like to share? Post a comment!

Flight of the Conchords

2006-05-02T20:47:00.000+12:00

I've stumbled onto a fantastic group called "Flight of the Conchords". Man, they are freaking funny and best of all, they are from New Zealand. So since I've been here for almost 4 years, I see it as my duty to introduce all of you to them. Here is a song they did called Business Time;

This is another one called Hiphopoppotamus vs. Rhymenocerus;

There are videos of them on YouTube, but if they ever perform in your town, do go. Or you shall face the wrath of your lord and master (ie Me). If you like them, do comment! I want to see how many people out there share the same sense of humour as me.

Note : I didn't upload the videos, credits go to phels17 and Splendor78 from YouTube. Let me know if I violated any copyright laws.

Buffet Rip-off

2006-04-29T22:17:00.000+12:00

Last month I went to this all-you-can eat restaurant in Riccarton, pictured below

It costs about $15 a person, more if it's the weekend. At first glance, everything seemed fine. There are lots of parking (well, it's difficult finding somewhere in Christchurch where there isn't lots of parking - except in the city), loads of seating and the place looks very clean.

The food here isn't really good. OK make that I-rather-eat-shit-than-pay-to-eat-this bad. Ironically, I've been here 4-5 times in the past 3 years. I have completely no idea why I keep coming back to this place. Probably it's the most decent buffet you can find priced around the $15 mark.

Now this place proudly states that it has "over 100 dishes". Heck, it's the first thing you see before you walk in the door, and it's printed on your table mat. I made a wager with Yvonne that it was impossible that they have 100 dishes, and so we went and counted them.

Yvonne counted 67 dishes while I counted 87. Plus I was being very generous by counting each different type of cheese as a dish, each type of soup and I even counted tea and coffee as a 'dish'. Where the fuck is my other 13 dishes? I know where the other 13 dishes are.

There are 13 dishes of SAUCE! Who the hell counts sauce as a dish?? KNN, you go eat 5 dishes of sauce and see. Tamade. You try promising someone a set-lunch with 5 different dishes and give a sandwich with 4 sauces and see what happens. What a fucking rip-off.

Shouldn't there be a law against this? After all, it is illegal to falsely advertise something. Man, if this is legal I’m going to set up a buffet advertising 200 over dishes – 150 of them sauces – just to piss people off.

Being a Good Samaritan

2006-04-14T19:07:00.000+12:00

I went to watch she’s the man yesterday with Yvonne. It’s a typical chick flick; you know where all the guys are jerks except the hot sensitive guy that winds up with the girl in the end. I won’t get started on how much these shows piss me off, that will take another entry by itself.

After the movie, I went to the car park and saw a guy passed out cold on the floor. I honestly thought he was drunk, and I actually considered just leaving him there. There was a broken milk bottle next to him and the contents, a red liquid, made a small puddle on the floor next to him. I thought it was something like strawberry liquor that he was drinking.

Just when I was leaving, Yvonne and I agreed that we should at least ask him if he needed help before going back home. So I plucked up the courage to ask him if he required assistance. He mumbled a yes, so I ran back into the cinema, asked them to call an ambulance and got a security guard to come look at him.

When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics said that the puddle of red fluid was indeed blood. Everything really seemed odd to me though. His car was parked right next to him. If he actually cut himself and had the time to get a milk bottle to store 2 litres of blood before getting out of the car and passing out on the floor, why didn’t he just call for help or drive to the hospital (which was like 5-10 minutes away)?

Well, the oddness of the situation isn’t why I’m typing this entry now. I know very well that people do odd things. I’m slightly disturbed at myself for actually considering leaving him there in the first place.

I blame it on my upbringing. If I told my mum that I saw a guy passed out in a dark deserted car park and I got out of my car to talk to him, she will freak. What if he was drunk and attacked me when I woke him up? What if he was pretending to be passed out and robbed me at gunpoint when I approached him?

I’m wondering if everyone’s parents have taught them the same thing my parents did. If it were you in my shoes and you saw a guy passed out in a very dark deserted car park, would you approach him and ask if he needed help?

1st class honours - blessing or burden?

2006-03-31T21:44:00.000+12:00

I’ve recently read minishort’s entry on fresh graduates with 1^st class honours which shocked me quite a bit. What shocked me wasn’t the article itself, but the comments that came with it.

A 1^st class honours degree is definitely what most students strive for and I’m no exception. After my 1^st Professional year, I started looking for a summer job to fulfil my practical work requirements. I sent out 40 CVs to different companies in Malaysia, hoping that someone will recruit me. Of the many applications I sent out, I only got one job offer which I accepted although it didn’t pay much (RM600 for 3 months of work).

At that time I was very disappointed that no other companies were interested in me and I had to settle for this low paying job. I was fortunate enough to do well for my intermediate and 1^st Professional year and I thought that was enough for me to get a high paying job. I was being very naïve.

I was angry that no one wanted to hire me in Malaysia, so I decided to do my remaining practical work here in New Zealand. So, immediately after completing my 2^nd Professional year, I sent out my CV to 20 different companies. As the days passed, I received many rejection letters. The vacancies were being filled by my classmates. Again, I couldn’t understand why they could get the job and I didn’t even though I had much better grades than them.

The first company that showed interest in hiring me was Fonterra. They needed students to complete several projects, and they contacted me for a phone interview. I was delighted that New Zealand’s largest company wanted to offer me a job. Later on, they called me back saying that they were going to hire another person but were willing to hire me to work on a smaller project in a factory far far away from where I stayed.

I found out later that the job I wanted had gone to my classmate which had much lower grades than me. Frustration kicked in again. I just couldn’t understand why I’m losing jobs to people that didn’t perform as well as I did in university. At the same time, a much smaller company offered me a job. I quickly rejected Fonterra’s offer and accepted the other job offer.

A few weeks into my new job, I started to realise why most of my classmates got better jobs than I did. It wasn’t my grades. It was me. I was far too naïve at that time. I thought that grades were everything. Although I knew that a good CV was important, and the interview process was equally as important, I didn’t really put in much effort in them.

I thought I was putting in a lot of effort trying to type a good CV and reading through the ‘do and don’ts’ of interviews. At that time, my mindset was so attached to the fact that I had good grades that it subconsciously caused me to place little emphasis on my CV and interview skills. This all changed when I stumbled upon the CV that one of my classmates forgot to pick up from the printer room.

His CV was impressive. It oozed passion, wisdom and confidence. It was so good that my CV looked like it was written by a 5 year old. Then I went to the engineering office and asked if they had any samples of good CVs that I can look through. Again, the CVs were impeccably written. Heck, if I was an employer, I would hire them over me.

Now I knew why no one called me up for an interview. I used a ‘one-size fit all’ CV. I changed the address and the manager’s name, printed out 20 copies and just mailed it in hoping they will hire me based on my grades. Then I thought “Maybe I didn’t get the project at Fonterra because I lacked interview skills”. I was too proud before to actually go for seminars on interview skills thinking I don’t need them.

Looking back, I was extremely fortunate to get jobs at all. My second job also thought me something very valuable; I wasn’t the ‘super-employee’ that I thought I was. I can say that although I can design a process, I couldn’t operate one in real life. Working with 2 of my classmates, we were all equal. I didn’t have any advantages at all even with better grades.

The experience taught me humility. Time and time again there were people with no university degrees teaching me, helping me and fixing the mess that I made. Compared to them, I have much to learn. My boss is a brilliant man. He has a doctorate in mechanical engineering and managed to work in places I can only dream of. Still he worked alongside us, sweating, heaving and getting his hands dirty.

He listened when I had something to say and gently let me down when he thinks I’m making a mistake. Never once did he abuse his authority. Never once did he show disrespect for people that obviously were less talented than he is. I am grateful to have learnt a lot from him.

Now I’m working on changing my CV and attending seminars on interview skills. I’ve been reading many articles on what employers look for in a future employee. I don’t plan to work for the rest of my life and I’ve been seriously looking at property investment as a plan to secure my financial future. However, in order to do this, I need employment. Hopefully I’ll do just enough to secure me that dream job.

So, I wasn’t shocked when I read minishort’s article. I know that she is telling the truth. What shocked me was that there were comments saying that employees actually rather didn’t hire graduates with 1^st class honours.

The idea that a 1^st class degree might actually be a burden shocked me. I know that a 1^st class degree doesn’t mean shit if you can’t apply it in the real world. I know that you must have a good attitude and be ready to learn. I’m shocked that when interviewing a candidate with excellent results, the interviewer might be thinking “Arrogant bastard” even before the interview starts.

So I do have a question for employers/interviewers. Before you actually interview someone holding a 1^st class honours degree, do you automatically think that he/she is arrogant and possesses only theoretical knowledge?

Do you have some suggestions on how to convince your future employer/interviewer that you are the person to fill that vacancy when you are a fresh graduate? Hopefully your answers will allow me to grow from a ‘potential candidate’ to an ‘employee’.

Public speaking 2

2006-03-30T19:31:00.000+12:00

This is an entry to elaborate on what I said in my last entry. I typed it in a hurry and to be honest, it makes me look like an idiot.

First off, I have to thank Law Tien Soon and dzof for taking the time to type in comments. Both of you have gave me some pointers which I will try to apply in my next presentation. However, there were some areas which you misunderstood me (I don’t blame you, my previous entry was horribly written) and some which I disagree on. So here goes.

For one I never said that the command of English is the only prerequisite for giving a good presentation, but I still stand by my opinion that it is extremely important.

Admittedly, I shouldn’t have used the term ‘command of English’ in the first place. What I tried to say (and failed to do so with the ambiguous term) was the level of comfort using the language. However, I can’t say I’ll give a better presentation using Bahasa Melayu or Chinese. So let’s replace the term with one that is more suited with what I had in mind; “Elocution ability”.

I agree wholeheartedly that you shouldn’t memorize a presentation. However I chose to do so because we were given a strict time limit (7 minutes) where we had to cram in a lot of information. I have tried speaking without a script but then my presentation time was too inconsistent for my liking. Since we were warned that going over this time limit would have penalties (plus the fact that lecturers will stop you abruptly at exactly 8 minutes), we had to choose our words carefully.

I managed 6 minutes 52 seconds on the day. It is possible to do this without a script, but it will be very difficult (at least it is for me). Let me point out that most of my classmates used scripts, and those who didn’t either spoke too briefly or went over the time limit (actually even some script-users went over the time limit).

Well, it seems that I might have ruffled a few feathers when I said that “Gwailos” usually give better presentations. I know with better preparation, more enthusiasm and more experience you can actually give a better presentation than them. What you failed to realize is they can do the same.

Some of my classmates put in just as much preparation as I did and they gave very impressive presentations (and some of them put in a third of what I put in and still gave a good enough presentation). I can assure you that I knew my content well enough. I’m not taking anything away from them, nor denying the fact that I have much to learn about presentations.

However, from what I’ve seen they have two advantages that I can’t compete with; experience and elocution ability. I don’t know about other schools, but I can’t remember giving any presentations when I was in high school. My classmates on the other hand were thought how to present information successfully from a very young age. They had ‘show and tell’ during primary and many presentations during high school.

When I asked them “Aren’t you nervous?” most of them replied “Nervous? Why should I be? I’ve given presentations in school so many times!” Although I really hate public speaking, I managed to get in my school’s debating team (which I quit soon enough because it was too nerdy for my liking). I even managed to be awarded ‘best debater’ when participating in an inter-class debate (which I was forced to represent my class). I have to stress that although I’m no stranger to public speaking, I’m leagues away from the likes of Tien Soon and dzof.

Gwailos are also taught to speak their mind from a young age. I was taught to shut the fuck up from a very young age. Of course as I got older, I told them where to shove it which got me into a lot of trouble. So as far as speaking goes, they have the upper hand. I’m talking about the general population, not just talented individuals.

Of course there will be elite Malaysians that can pawn mediocre Gwailos and when you put the best of Malaysians against the best of Gwailos, you will have a great debate. However, try picking 10 Malaysians at random and putting them against 10 random Kiwis/Aussies/Americans. Still think we might win?

I’m not trying to put down my own country while idolizing another. I’m saying that we don’t get enough training and experience while in school. Yes, we do have debating, elocution and such, but these are usually reserved to a select few. So we get a few exceptional people, and the rest bordering average (in terms of public speaking).

I think probably most people who read this will go “It’s not the gwailos that speak well; it’s just that you suck”. Well, there is some truth behind that but I’m not THAT bad (People who know me – Do I really suck or am I in denial?)

This is going for far too long, so I’m going to end this. Again, thank you for your comments. I have 30 minutes for my next presentation; hopefully I can apply what you guys told me and get more marks.

Public speaking

2006-03-30T11:51:00.000+12:00

Apologies for not updating more often (actually its more like not updating at all). Things have been extremely hectic these few days since it’s the last few weeks before Easter Holidays. I’ve been trying to get my assignments done, my practical work report written and I’ve just went through a harrowing presentation.

Public speaking has never really been my strong point. I’m fine with talking to people (like complaining about something), but giving a presentation in front of my lecturers and classmates makes me nervous somehow. Maybe it’s the fact that for once I actually KNOW that there are people that can speak MUCH better than I can. Let’s face it, no matter how good your command of English is, angmohs will usually be better.

I know this fact too well, so I’ve taken precautions. I typed out what I was going to say and memorised it. Then I practiced and practiced until I can recite it in my sleep. Poor Yvonne had to stay awake till 3 in the morning listening to me giving her a mock presentation. On the day of the presentation, I did almost everything by the book apart from my hands (and voice) shaking from being too nervous. No reading from the slides, maintain eye contact throughout, don’t talk in a monotonous voice, throw in a few jokes, keep within the allocated time limit, elaborate on points from my powerpoint slides but don’t repeat what I wrote, etc, etc.

At the end of it, my lecturers commented that I gave a great presentation and my classmates said it was the best of the day. However, for the amount of work I put in, I think I got owned by my Kiwi classmates. They have the ability to think on their feet which I’m envious of. They had no ‘practicing in front of the mirror’, spent a third of the time that I took and yet words came smoothly, confidently and without error. Of course there were some that sucked, but most did very well.

So I have a question for all Malaysians. Have you had any problems giving a public presentation/speech/whatever in a country where English is its first language? Anyone actually managed to one-up their gwailo friends? Let me know so that I can leech some experience off you.

Drug Trials Gone Wrong

2006-03-17T13:08:00.001+13:00

Top of the morning to ya laddy! Lets all gather for a grand round of Guiness! McTamish, its yer shout! Hey, don’t look at me, it’s St Patrick’s Day!

On a more serious note, there has been a lot of talk here in New Zealand about the 6 men that fell ill after given a trial drug. Yahoo news article link here. The news is probably bigger here than in Malaysia because one of the 6 men is a Kiwi. When I read the news, I was really shocked.

Not because that they were testing trial drugs on humans, this happens often enough. It’s the way that the men fell ill that shocked me. For those of you that are too lazy to follow the news, here is a brief summary of what happened.

8 men were paid to participate in a clinical trial on the usage of an anti-inflammatory drug. On the first day, 6 men were injected with the drug while the remaining 2 were injected with a harmless placebo. Within minutes of injections, all 6 men started dropping like flies and had to be admitted to hospital.

One of the men given a placebo said that he saw the guy next to him ‘started screaming and his breathing went haywire. They put an oxygen mask on him, but he kept tearing it off, shouting ‘Doctor, doctor, please help me! Then he started convulsing, shouting that he was getting shooting pains in his back’. The other guys ‘started complaining of fever, tore their shirts off, starting writhing around in their beds and vomiting’.

I can only imagine what the two blokes that were given placebos were feeling at that time. Man, they must have been terrified! Imagine seeing the person next to you that was injected with the same drug falling to the ground, frothing at the mouth and screaming in pain. Then you see 5 others tearing their shirts off, convulsing and vomiting as they scream in pain. I don’t care how macho you are, I’m sure you will shit yourself.

All 6 men are now in intensive care, 4 of which are slowly recovering after doctors gave them steroids. The other 2 are in critical condition and family members are told to ‘pray for a miracle’. Close friends that visited the patients said that they were ‘grotesquely deformed’; one of them even said that her friend was ‘so ravaged by the drug that he resembled the Elephant Man.’

Now the question of whether the drug was incorrectly prepared has to be raised. From my limited knowledge of drug trials, they must first test it on human culture and animals and the company that did the research said that previous tests showed positive results. So if you tested in on animals, and they walked around cheerfully, what caused 6 healthy males to suffer dreadful side effects? Yvonne pointed out that drugs that are safe in animals do not mean they are not deadly to humans.

However, if the drug was contaminated or incorrectly prepared, the people preparing the drug should be dealt with seriously. Apart from the obvious reasons, they will have now caused all future drug trials to be delayed and incur additional costs. This might mean that life saving drugs might take a while longer to reach the market.

Another thing that came to mind was why are there people willing to put their lives on the line testing out new drugs that might well kill them? The first reason I could think of was money. They must have been paid a fortune to risk their lives. However, from the newspaper this morning, each individual was paid £2000 for the trial and an extra for subsequent follow ups. I agree that is a very handsome sum, but not enough for me to risk my life.

The second reason that I can think off was that the patients were not told the complete truth about the risks involved, or took them lightly. I can’t really call them stupid if they choose to ignore the risks. We’ve all done that before. How many times have you signed off on a contact saying “I shall not hold the company/university/school responsible for any accidents/injury/death incurred during this programme/trip/whatever”. I’ve done it many times before while singing up for Go-Karts.

So I’m raising a question; will you be willing to sign up for the next drug trial if they paid say £5000? Chances are you will walk out of there alive and well, but there is a small possibility that you might die. Will you?

** Side note, all bold italics are quotes from this article **

10 ways to piss student's off - Teacher's edition

2006-03-13T12:56:00.000+13:00

Are your students taking you for granted? Do you feel that your students are ungrateful wrenches and want to get back at them? Or are you just bored and need something to get you through the day. You have come to the right place my friend as I now bring to you; 10 ways to piss your students off.

10. Give out loads of unnecessary assignments – Students have too much spare time, they need more work to keep them out of trouble. If you don’t give them work to do, they will go ahead and smoke marijuana. You are doing them a favour. Go ahead and give 5 pages of maths problems doing nothing but repetitive algebra everyday. Throw in several 5% assignments once in a while. For a twist give them a 1% assignment every week and tell them they have to hand in all assignments to pass your course.

9. Make students pay a fine when they arrive late – In order for this to work, you must stress that students coming in late disrupts your class. If you see that most of them start to come on time and your piggy bank is running low, start 5 minutes early and tell them “I don’t care what the clock says. My watch says you are 5 minutes late” For the icing on the cake, come in 10 minutes late once in a while and give a pop quiz if anyone asks you to pay the fine. Or better yet, come in 25 minutes late and give a 20% test. Tell the students that left early that “You snooze, you lose”

8. Don’t write on the blackboard or give out notes – Why should you use your pretty pretty hands? Students have hands don’t they? You should ask students to take their own notes while you are talking. Give them an excuse that “In the real world, no one gives you notes”. Talk very fast in a monotonous tone and when you start to see some people start to doze off, say a very important sentence that you will use on next week’s test.

7. Write in an illegible manner – How you to this is up to you. You can make your writing very small. When someone asks you to write a little bigger, tell them “You should sit in front where all the hardworking students sit” Or write in fancy cursive that only people that are over 50 can read what you write. When writing equations, make subscripts very small. Make up your own symbols. Use a lamba for a rho. Use a rho for an ohm. Tell them that they will be given equations during exams, and use totally different symbols for the equations that you give them.

6. Insist that students have to raise their hand and stand up when asking a question – They need to learn respect for elders. I mean when you were in Vietnam, do you address your superior sitting down? Every month, ask everyone to stand up and go around asking academic questions and only allow those that can answer them sit. Since you can’t cane your students anymore, punish them by forcing them to stand up and raise their hands in the air for an hour. Make those that can’t hold their hands up for an hour do 100 frog squats in front of the class.

5. Stand in front of the board or projector – This requires a bit of practice. Learn how to write on the board with your body blocking student’s view of the blackboard. After you finish writing, keep blocking it with your body while you elaborate continuously on the things that you have written. Now this is the important part. Once you stop to take a breath, erase what you wrote and repeat the process. If a student says he/she didn’t manage to take down the last paragraph, tell them to copy it from a classmate. If you are using a projector, stand in the path of the projector and make students read off your bulging stomach.

4. Give out low marks for all tests and assignments – They need to work harder. If you give them an A, they will start to slack off. Give A’s only to your favourite students. Ask the students to write a report on their personalities and deduct points because they chose the wrong personality. Or ask them to write an essay about themselves and give them a C. They don’t know who they are, only you do.

3. Punish students that complain about you – When the headmaster calls you up and says there have been complaints about your teaching, apologise and say that you’re trying a different approach to teaching. Promise that you will revert back to more traditional ways. Then go back to class and punish the offending student. If you don’t know who the whistle blower is, punish the whole class. Make the punishment as serious as you can make it. Good examples are failing the student and asking him/her to stand outside the class when you teach (If he doesn’t appreciate your teaching, no one is forcing him to stay in the class anyway). Punish those who support him/her as well.

2. Never admit you are wrong or don’t know something – This shows weakness. If a student asks you something you don’t know, you must give him an answer. It doesn’t matter if it’s wrong. Students are too stupid to know if something you say is incorrect anyway. Or you can answer a question with a question. If you say you don’t know, you will be expected to look it up. Save yourself the trouble, student’s aren’t worth it. If anyone tells you that something you said was wrong, tell them “Are you the lecturer, or am I? If you are so smart, do you want to teach the class?”

1. Ask students to do errands for you – Randomly pick students to rub the blackboard for you everyday. Give extra 10 marks for those that help you carry books to your office in the morning (give 20 if they clean your car). Get students to mark test scripts for you. When you feel lazy, give a student your notes and ask them to write them on the blackboard while you drink your coffee. You don’t get paid enough to do your job. Delegation is the way to go.

And there you have it. A short guide on how to piss your student off today. Now YOU can join the millions of teachers around the world pissing students off. If you need more help, you can order my book “Advanced techniques to push student’s buttons” for a low fee of $49.99.

*** Every point that I wrote in this article has actually happened to me or someone I know (of course the incidents were exaggerated for this article). Most of them happened while I was studying in Malaysia, but some occurred during my study here in New Zealand. Has anyone experienced these before? Or is there something that I should add? Leave a comment and let me know!***

Disorganised

2006-03-09T14:03:00.000+13:00

You now the times where it seems like you are completely free and have absolutely nothing to do? You go to classes/work, do what you do everyday, go back and just leisurely surf the net, watch TV and generally just kick back and relax. Then one day you go “Ah, since I have so much free time, I might as well start planning what I’m going to do until the holidays”.

Then you start planning. Then you realise you have more to do that what you originally thought. Then you panic. You start making appointments with your group and your supervisor but they are not free as well because of all the last minute buggers (like yourself) taking up most of their time. You feel your testicles starting to shrink. You start to wake up in the middle of the night worrying that you might not actually meet all the datelines that were set up.

Don’t deny it, everyone has gone through a period of that. I’m going through one now. So until I get my shit sorted, I won’t have much time to blog. But I will try. Wish me luck!

Bert and Ernie - Gay?

2006-03-03T13:37:00.000+13:00

Quote of the day:

“Bert and Ernie Theory of Relationships – In every relationship that has any hope of working, there must be a Bert (the serious one) and Ernie (the playful one)” – ZM Morning Crew

==========================================================

Still no internet connection. I’m going to go berserk if this keeps going on. If there is anyone from I-Hug or Telecom reading this, hurry my application up if you don’t want a crazy person running amok at your headquarters.

I’ve finally decided on my research project. Plus my group has been briefed on what to do for our design project. So now the candle has been lit. Let’s see which candle burns out first. The fat one? The tall and skinny one?

Anyhow, I’m going to have to do some research on my design project before we meet up at 3pm today (it’s a Friday, dammit!) so can’t really blog much today.

Before I sign off, I have a question for all of you. It’s about Bert and Ernie. Are they brothers? Flatmates? Gay partners? The morning crew asked this same question and I realised that I honestly don’t know. I grew up watching Sesame Street and I never questioned it. I do remember that there were several episodes where they slept in the same bed. Food for thought now isn’t it?

Time Management

2006-03-02T09:29:00.000+13:00

Quote of the day:

“Just about anyone can make a building stand. It takes a true Civil Engineer to make a building just about stand” – One of my lecturers, forgot which one =P

===========================================================

It’s been almost 2 weeks into my final year in Chemical Engineering. Work is starting to pile up, and I still don’t have my bloody internet connection yet. Apparently, my application to IHug was rejected by telecom because my account details were incorrect. Incorrect my ass, I triple checked everything and they gave the correct account details. Probably Telecom is trying to give me a hard time because I’m not subscribing to their lousy broadband package. But that is another story for another time.

Since a bulk of my final year consists of research and design, we have been given lectures on time management and teamwork. I usually loathe lectures like these because I’m a stubborn son of a bitch that doesn’t like strangers to tell me how to manage my time. However, there are some rather interesting things that I found out during these seminars.

We were asked to put our everyday agendas into four groups – Urgent and Important, Urgent and Not Important, Not Urgent and Important and Not Urgent and Not Important. The interesting bit is at the ‘Not Urgent and Not Important’ grouping which was labeled as ‘Time Wasters’. Most of the class gave activities such as watching television, surfing the net, leisure reading, socializing, etc.

This is one reason why I dislike classes such as these. I tend to strongly disagree with what the majority of people say. I can’t for the life of me see why people would think doing leisurely stuff is unimportant. I place it very high on my to-do list (not that I have one).

Most people perceive watching television as a waste of precious time. I grew up with people telling me to study more, watch less TV, use your time wisely, etc. I never followed any of their advice, thus they labeled a non-conformist like me with the simplest of labels; Lazy.

People that actually think that relaxing in front of the TV is a big waste of time; I believe they are being naïve. How can doing something you like be a waste of time? Yes, excessive relaxing is not good for you but the same applies with excessive work/study. I place equal importance to my daily leisurely activities and doing assignments.

Trying to call your electric company and needing to hold the line for an hour, waiting in line at the bank, waiting for a bus, those are a waste of time. Things you do that you do not enjoy, does not bring any benefits to you and that can be avoided with a bit of diligence and planning. Study is important for me to gain knowledge and make something of myself in the future. Chatting on MSN with my mates is important to keep myself sane amidst all the work.

I thought that Asians were more prone to this than westerners (forgive me for generalizing). If you an Asian student, try telling your parents you want to travel the world for a year after you complete your studies. More often than not, your parents will freak out. I envy my classmates for being able to do that. I think the experience you gain from backpacking around the world is far more rewarding than working straight away.

So, I was very shocked when my classmates said that leisurely activities were a waste of time. Surprisingly, our lecturer agreed with me that more importance should be placed on them. If only more Malaysian teachers can open their eyes and see that a student needs more than just study to be a successful person.

Oh yes, they do say having a hobby is rewarding but ‘hobbies’ in their opinion are things like stamp collecting, flower arrangement, reading and such. Those are perfectly fine if you like them. What I can’t understand is when you tell your teachers that you like painting they go “Oh, what a wonderful hobby!” and when you tell them you like to play computer games they go “Oh you fucking lazy bastard! You should study more, haven’t you given any thought to your future?”

In conclusion, I think that in a world where we are caught up in the obsessive need to succeed, we have forgotten about the finer things in life. Things that brings a smile to our faces, things that bring us joy. Things that brings meaning to our lives. Isn’t that equally as important?

Sigh ... no Internet

2006-02-23T11:32:00.000+13:00

You know, you don't know how much you are dependent on the internet until you actually don't have proper access to it. I use the internet for a whole load of stuff - keeping contact with friends, discussing stuff with lecturers, TV guide, Movie guide, etc. I'm still waiting for my bloody broadband to be connected, and already I'm showing withdrawal symptoms.

So if you have been wondering if I'm dead, I'm still alive and well (but if I don't get my connection soon, don't hold your breath). Will blog more when my connection finally comes through.

You look so stupid

2006-02-17T14:53:00.000+13:00

Today is my last day at work. No, I have not been sacked because I spend too much time reading ~~porn~~ blogs. No, I have not submitted my resignation letter letting my boss know what an ass he is (and he isn’t, I have lots of respect for him). It’s just that University is starting soon, and I’ve completed my work project.

I’ve always complained about work. Not so much of the things I do at work itself, but rather the long hours sitting in front of a desk/rolling drums/fixing a leaking tank. It bothers me more than a little to know that one day I will have to start working full time, or starve to death. I can’t imagine forcing my tired body up at 7:00 am, go to a place where I am overworked/not appreciated/surrounded by retards and come home at 5pm 5 days a week, every week for the next 10-20 years or so.

I view work more like a prison sentence. You go to your cell at 8 am, wardens will come by so often to heckle you, you have awful lunch at noon, get to have a few minutes of exercise once in a while and go back at 5pm. At least at prison you get free lunch. Bah. It is even worse here in New Zealand. Most things close by 5pm. I only get 30 mins for lunch, and I really don’t have time to take a quick trip to the bank/post office during lunch.

What is good though is that I get paid well. I’m grateful that I earn just as much as a fresh graduate engineer back in Malaysia, and I haven’t even converted NZD to RM. Last year, I worked for a sugar refinery in Malaysia and I got paid a fucking RM600 for 3 months work. Honestly, I didn’t do much during that period since everyone was so scared that “a stupid student will mess things up”.

I just don’t get it. Here in New Zealand, I’m working on a significant project (ie think million of dollars) and my employer trusts me enough to let me have control on what I choose to do. Last year I wandered around aimlessly in the factory doing nothing. Why such a big difference? If the reports are true, Malaysia has fantastic universities that produce quality graduates. Why isn’t this reflected in the work place? Why is it that my skills and expertise are more recognized here than back home in Malaysia?

Engineers here are amazing. They speak with such profound knowledge that really makes you feel like you were a 7 year old and still they shut up and deliberate on your suggestions before giving proper feedback. I have never seen this in Malaysia. Try telling your boss that his ideas are wrong. Try telling your lecturers that you disagree with the answers that they gave you. More often than not, they will take it personally and will make sure you don’t live comfortably.

I have disagreed with my boss and lecturers before and I did inform them about it. Sometimes I was correct, sometimes they were. When I first arrived here, I admit it was very intimidating working together, even with your peers. I consider myself lucky that I did very well in the first year and that gave me a confidence boost. I started to voice out my opinions, and people started to listen.

There is still prejudice here. Some of my classmates think I’m an idiot simply because I am an Asian. It infuriates me that people will judge me by the colour of my skin. However, as Yvonne said “They don’t look down on you because you are an Asian. They look down on you because you look stupid.” Which unfortunately, I have to agree. I do look stupid, and I get picked on a lot because of that.

I am at fault too because I am so used to people thinking I’m a bumbling idiot that I let most of them get away. I’ve even had people tracing out a figure of a square while saying “Oh, it is at the Cathedral Square. You know … square?” Cibai. If you think I don’t know how a fucking square looks like, why are you even talking to me? Just out of curiosity, for Malaysians that are studying overseas, have you heard these comments before?

1 – Oh, your English is fantastic for a Malaysian!
2 – Do they teach English in school back in Malaysia?
3 – Are you a Muslim?
4 – Isn’t Malaysia south of Pakistan?
5 – What?! I thought Thailand was north of Singapore!

No such thing as freedom of speech

2006-02-16T12:14:00.000+13:00

Quote of the day:

“Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is to tell a lesbian to "drive straight"? Turning, however, should prove to be no problem.” – Lainie on lesbians and their driving skills

===================================================================

I’ve had a heated discussion with Yvonne the other day about our right to freedom of speech. Right now, I’m wondering if the term actually reflects what it is supposed to mean. The conclusion? A definite no.

In Malaysia we are often forced to censor our opinions due to fear of backlash and the ISA. Recently, the Sarawak Tribune had its license suspended for reprinting the Muslim caricatures. I can’t for the life of me think of a reason why a person/organization has to be punished for doing their job; reporting unbiased and factual news to the public.

I understand why Muslims are offended, I probably would be too. However, I don’t agree on the methods they choose to express their anger. I believe that there must be equality in this world. An eye for an eye. If I submitted an article to the local newspaper urging for prostitution to be legalized (only an example), you have every right to submit another article saying why I’m wrong and reasons why you disagreed with my opinion. You have no right to burn my house to the ground because I offended you.

If every journalist, author or even the common person has to censor his every word, we are not heading to a very bright future. I understand that we have to exercise some caution in order not to outright offend someone. The key word here is ‘some’.

Another thing I’ve noticed is the way people choose to disagree with you. It is not enough to say “Your opinions are stupid. Inside your head, all hollow is it?”. Where is your reason to support your statement? Personal attacks, in my opinion, is a way of saying “I have no intellectual grounds of which to rebuke you, so I will criticize the way you write/look/smell”. If you disagree with something, state why you disagree and any reasoning/proof that you are correct.

I look up to people who says it as it is. Even if what they are saying is the most ridiculous statement that I’ve ever heard, they still earn my respect for having enough balls to speak out. I myself am afraid of writing about things I believe in for fear of retribution. I am afraid of what people might think of me. I am afraid that I will have to spend every moment of my spare time holding back angry mobs from hurting my family.

Apathy. It is something that the common Malaysian has too much of. Why don’t more people speak out about things that they are unhappy about? I have a theory on why we have this annoying ‘tidak apa’ attitude. Fear.

I have seen far too often that when someone speaks out, there will be severe consequences. I’ve had a friend that was asked by our headmistress if she had any opinions on the teaching methods used by our teachers. She politely suggested that one of our teachers might benefit if she changed her methods of conveying information. When news reached the said teacher, she immediately gave the class an earful. “I’m more educated than you, how dare you criticize the way I teach! If you are so smart, do your own revision” then promptly walked out of the class.

The worse thing is, more teachers heard about this and they too started bullying the students. The science teacher refused to teach during lab, saying that if the students are so smart, they will have no problem setting up the equipment for a Benedict’s test. Now why didn’t anyone report this to the headmistress? Fear. They were afraid that they will suffer more consequences. This is what happens when someone in power takes advantage of those who do not.

The same situation applies if you complain about anything else. Complain that your noodles are too bland; the chef will spit into your food. Complain about the police asking for a bribe, they will lock you up for ‘suspected drug use’. Complain about the government over protecting bumiputras, you will be detained in ISA. It has come to a point where no one speaks out anymore because they can’t be bothered, or afraid something might happen to them.

So right now, I don’t believe there is such a thing as ‘freedom of speech’. It term should correctly be modified to “freedom of moderated speech’.

Valentine Ramblings

2006-02-14T09:01:00.000+13:00

Ah yes, the day finally arrives. If you are in a wonderful, lovey dovey relationship, today signifies a day where you can go all out and express your undying love without people thinking "Siao ar? Why is the fella holding big bunch of roses and waiting there like sohai?" If you are in a relationship that has lost its flair, today is the day you go out and reluctantly spend a couple of hundred bucks so that your significant other does not kick you out of the bed tonight.

I have never really liked Valentines. Personally I think it's stupid. Why in the entire world would there be just one day to show your loved ones how much you love them? I tell my ex-gfs I love them everyday, buy gifts for them whenever I see something I think they may like and go for dinners in fancy restaurants once in a while (poor mah). So when V Day comes, it's difficult for me. I'm not a very creative (or rich, or buay pai seh) person. Thus to think of a new idea for V Day every year, it's tough.

Don't get me started on the girls that expect the guys to plan everything, pay for everything, treat you like you are the Queen of England and go complain to their friends about the cheap restaurant, lousy flowers, etc. I'm telling you, if one day if my future gf says "Wah, you see Angela's boyfriend ah, sooooo good you know. On V Day hoh, he hire private jet fly her to Paris to eat on the Eiffel Tower oh! Why you never do liddat to me? U dun luf me issit?" I'm gonna tie her up, put her in a sack, hire a private jet, fly to Paris, and hang her upside down from the Eiffel Tower.

But still, I'm now single so I don't have to think of anything to do tonight. The money I'm going to save not bringing a girl on a date tonight, I'm gonna get myself a new house. Although I don't believe in Cupid, many people still do. So, I'm going to wish a Happy Valentines to the girls closest to me;

Yvonne - The source of my happiness and pain. You drive me up the wall sometimes, but without you, I'll be a lonely bastard. We've had enough good times and bad times to make any couple green with envy. You are the closest thing to a family I have here in New Zealand, and you stick with me no matter how bad or good I treat you. So to my dumpling hamai, Happy Valentines Day. Thanks for putting up with me for so many years. Without you, I'll be lost.

Siew Funn - The chibi. My constant source of entertainment and Yvonne's best friend. She keeps saying that she likes Yvonne because no matter how sad or angry she is, one look at Yvonne's face and she'll cheer up immediately. Siew Funn has that effect on me. One look at her face, I can't help but laugh (wat, funny mar her face). So to the lil bunnay, Happy Valentines Day. Thanks for being there for me through thick and thin. Thanks for looking out for me; I know I can always trust you to watch my back. Siew Funn, this Valentines Day I would like you to be MY chibi. Heh =)

Lynette - The internet addict. If one day she has to choose between giving up internet and giving me up, I'll have no doubt what her choice will be. I just hope that day doesn't come =P. You are the person I feel that I can tell you almost anything without drastic consequences. We've known each other only for a year, and you know more about me than most of my friends. Our 'fai chai' sessions give me enough spirit to last through even the most horrible day. So to my lil moosie, Happy Valentines Day. Thanks for caring enough to stay up (and wake up!) to talk to me.

So again, thanks to you three for being there for me. I won't be the person I am today without all of you. Love you all to lil pieces.

===============================================================

To anyone that reads this blog and is now in the process of violent projectile vomiting, I apologize and would like to guarantee you that there will no longer be another sappy Hindi love poem here. (that is, until the next V Day) Enjoy your dates, presents, dinner, hot air balloon ride, and whatever things you guys come up with. I wish the girls lots of love, understanding and compassion from your boyfriend. To the guys out there, I wish you will get sex, sex and more sex. But be responsible! Wear a condom! (or get ready to pay child support). Happy Valentines Day everyone!

New flat

2006-02-13T10:23:00.000+13:00

I've just moved into a new flat, so until I get the phone and broadband connection set up, I'll have to hold off blogging. Well, not like anyone really cares, but just to let those who do know. So there.

Dengue Fever

2006-02-09T13:03:00.000+13:00

Quote of the day:

"Hookers and doctors are like one, both fuck you over and take your money." - Nikita from kitta.net (she is hot by the way)

====================================================================

I would like to wish Siew Funn the best of health since she might be suffering from dengue fever. She went for a blood test that states she has a low platelet level. But of course that can be caused by many things, so I'm still waiting to hear the news from her second blood test.

I kinda sympathize with what she is going through because I've survived through dengue fever myself. Twice. Oh yes mere mortals, tremble before your lord and master. I'm very sure mosquitoes look at me the same way a starving person views a buffet dinner. Every single time I go back to Malaysia, the bloody things attack me. Thing is, they ONLY attack me! When I get back, my family doesn't even bother to light up mosquito coils in their rooms because they know 99% of them will be coming for me.

When I sleep, I light one mosquito coil and one of those electronic mosquito repellants and blast the fan in hopes of blowing most of them away. Still the mosquitoes are willing to risk death to get a taste of my blood. I wish that instead of attracting female mosquitoes, I can attract females from the same species as I am (human, not monkey as some may argue). Imagine Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron and a horde of other hot girls risking death to suck my ... er .... blood. Maybe I should name the mosquitoes Angelina.

A funny thing about dengue fever is that there are 4 types (or at least that’s what my doctor told me). One of them has a high mortality rate. The first dengue fever I went through was hell. Here are the symptoms that I went through:

1 - Fever high enough to fry an egg
2 - Pain in almost every part of my body, especially my bones and the back of my eyes
3 - Non-stop vomiting. I had to rush to the bathroom to throw up every 5 minutes. And when I've vomited everything I ate, I started to puke stomach acid. Not pleasant.
4 - A high urge kill myself and be done with it
5 - Loss of appetite (duh)
6 - After I've recovered slightly, I started to itch all over. No idea why.

It was horrible. If I could have summoned the strength to walk to the kitchen, grab a knife and stab myself repeatedly with it, I would. My mum saw how much I suffered and suggested that I visit a hospital. My dad however went into a fit. "Why is he such a tofu!? Can't he handle a little fever? If he has to go to the hospital every time he gets a small fever, we'll be broke!" He was visibly calmer when I was diagnosed with dengue. I spent a week in the hospital and lost more than 10 kgs (free diet!).

The second time I got dengue, I didn't even know it was dengue in the first place! This time my symptoms were:

1 - Fever high enough to cook half boiled eggs
2 - Taste buds being abducted by hobbits with hairy legs. I'm serious. When I drank water, it tasted like cough mixture, when I ate curry noodles, it tasted like hokkien mee.
3 - After I healed, again I started to itch.

That’s about it. I had the strength to go out shopping and stuff. Heck, I even drove myself to a small clinic to get my blood tested. My dad this time forced me to take a blood test since there was a dengue outbreak at that time. I kept telling him "Hey, this isn't dengue! How can it be! I've been through dengue before, and I'm telling you I don't have it! Do you think I'm stupid?"

And stupid I was because I actually had dengue. So once I got the results of the blood test, I calmly drove myself to the hospital, registered and sat in the waiting room like everyone else. When I filled in the form citing "Dengue Fever" as cause of visit, the nurse looked at me funny. The doctor then told me that I did have dengue, but I've already gone through the worst part of it and I'm on my way to recovery. He then patted me on my shoulder and sent me straight home.

Who da man? I'm da man. Woot!

In saying that, if I get dengue again I have a 1 in 2 chance that I'll die. Makes you think now doesn’t it.

Chemical Engineering sucks

2006-02-08T10:46:00.000+13:00

Engineers are boring people. Unless of course you think that a conversation about computational fluid dynamics or the thermal expansions of various gases is interesting. I've been studying chemical engineering for more than 3 years now (it's a bloody 4 year course by the way), and I've found that it changed me from a bubbly teen into a boring, depressing young adult.

The sole reason that I took up chemical engineering was due to 5 reasons;

1 - I was good in maths, physics and chemistry
2 - Engineers make good money
3 - Money
4 - Money
5 - Money

So there. I've regretted my choice of study a fair bit, so I'm here to warn all highschool graduates that are considering the path that I've taken. I've listed down some facts that might help you make your decision easier. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are many many people that will find chemical engineering interesting, but I'm not one of them.

These are things that they don't tell you at the career fair. So, you might want to consider another career if you;

1. Can't do calculus - You must be able to do double and triple integrations and know partial derivatives like the back of your hand. Or at least be interested in it. I haven't met anyone that loves to do calculus, but if this is you then definitely consider engineering.

2 - Hates to write reports - If this is you, choose another career. You'll have to spend most of your time either on spreadsheets, or writing reports. Excel and Word will be your bread and butter, respect them, and they will respect you.

3 - Can't pull an all-nighter - Lets face it, if you want to hand in all your assignments/meet a deadline/complete a project on time, sooner or later you'll have to sacrifice sleep. I have gone through weeks where I slept less than 20 hours. So you must either be a) a very very good student that can complete all assignments in 5 hours or less, b)make extremely good use of your time or c) must be able to stay awake at night. If you are not one of the three, you're not chemical engineering material

4 - Are not computer-savvy - You will be using the computer for 80% of your assignments. You must be ready to master Word, Excel, MATLAB and Solidworks (or AUTOCAD) at the very least (other programs you might encounter - Maple, HYSYS, ANSYS CFX and FLUENT). If you don't wear glasses, expect to wear them after your course.

5 - Are afraid of heights and enclosed spaces - Everyone is at least slightly afraid of heights unless you are an adrenaline junkie (and if you are, the lectures will bore the shit out of you). Sooner or later, you'll have to be dangling from a ladder taking samples or tightening bolts. If you are not careful, you might encounter an unfortunate accident like the idiot here.

Enclosed spaces are very dangerous and your lecturers will pound it into your head that you should NEVER enter one without proper equipment. However, there will come a time where you will need to enter a tank, chamber or something of the sort. If you pass out and die, that would be very unfortunate.

6 - Can't do physical labour - Oh yes, we aren't the professionals that sit in the office and bark orders at our puny human slaves. Even if you are a consulting engineer, you must at least go through a period of physical labour during your internship. So be ready for that.

7 - Are timid and can't voice your opinions/or if you just don't have one - Engineers are expected to think, solve problems and work in a team. If you can't voice out your opinions, you won't be able to do shit. If you don't have any opinions or suggestions, you are screwed mate. This applies to public speaking as well. You will have to propose something or another sometime in your career to your boss/government/investors/professors.

8 - Can't tell the difference between a fart and a gas leak - Yes yes, I know a fart can be considered a gas leak, but you get my drift. Most of the flammable solvents are odourless. They smell pungent because they have an additive that makes them smell. So if you are in a factory, smell something pungent and the first thing you do is giggle and go "Siapa kentut? (who farted)" you will suffer a very painful death.

My point is, that you must have a good knowledge of what is dangerous and what isn't. Most engineers I've talked to don't know that fine powders are flammable. I've worked at factories where technicians are welding next to vibrating sieves and dust is everywhere. You must know for example, that if you stick your head into a drum of perchloro ethylene, you're gonna die sooner or later. So if you are a daredevil, please please please choose another career. It will be safer for you, and safer for the people working with you.

OK OK , this post is getting very long so I'll stop here. There still are many aspects of chemical engineering that I didn't know about when I chose this path. For example the lack of chemistry related material in the course. If you think chemical engineering is all about chemistry, you are very very wrong. I think we use physics and math more than chemistry. But I will stop at this point. If anyone wants more information, leave a comment and I might write an update.

Of course you can also comment "Oh God no no! Please don't bore me with another article like this! I will rape your dog if you write something like this again!"

P/S - I am guilty of many of the 'sins' stated above. I wished there was someone that told me what I would be going through before I actually enrolled in it. But since there wasn't any, I have to suck it up and take it like a man for one more year before I work myself to death.

Maize Maze

2006-02-07T08:36:00.000+13:00

Quote of the day:

Don't have quote of the day for today lar! Everyday also want meh! Ta ma de. -Yoong Wei

===================================================================

First off, apologies for the 3 day hiatus, I know all of you are dying for a post. As I said, Righteous came back, and obviously I can't go online anymore since the only computer is in his room. Anyway, ayam back with a new post, so stop all your bitching and whining. (actually I wish there was actually someone that bitches about me not posting. But oh well, I can dream can't I?)

Monday was a public holiday here, so Yvonne and I went to this Maize Maze. Oh yes, a huge maze in the middle of a corn field. I honestly thought it would suck ass, but since we didn't have anything to do, we went to give it a try. If anyone from Christchurch is reading this, the maze is at the junction between Halswell Junction and Springs Road. First thing I saw when I reached: a ticket counter. Farrrkkkk, its not free. (NZD11 for adults, NZD9.50 for students)

I was pleasantly surprised that apart from the huge maze, there are smaller stuff like mini golf, limbo and lotsa IQ based mazes like this one:

What you have to do is to start at the yellow 3 in the middle of the bottom row and walk up, down, right or left (but never diagonal). The number on the box you are standing on indicates how many boxes you can walk. You can't, for example, walk 2 boxes left and 1 box up or walk to the left if you are on a 3 and there are only 2 boxes on your left. Your goal is to reach the big star in the middle of the board. Can you do it?

I'm too lazy to post up the solution as its really very easy. But if you can't get it, e-mail me and I'll maybe photoshop up the solution and send it to you. After going through some other small mazes like the only-turn-right maze and the red-blue-yellow maze, we decided to go for the huge one since they said "Most people take an average of 1 hour to complete the maze".

We are retards with the sense of direction of a drunken sea monkey, so we decided to go in case we take like 5 hours and get stuck in there. In the maze, there are 13 check points and at each check point there will be a long boring article and a letter for you to jot down. Your job is to find all 13 checkpoints, find the big silver fern and get the hell out of there before they start burning the maize. The maze looks like such from a birdseye view:

Wah, very flash right? So we skipped into the maze, giggling with excitement. Then every single turn we took, we saw this:

Occasionally, we will be faced with this:

There are 'look out points' where you can climb some stairs and reach look down from above. But then right, all you can see from the so called look out point is this:

Niama look out what? You can't see anything! So after walking for a while, I saw this very odd looking rock. It's red in colour, and has hair! It can only be found in New Zealand!

After taking many pictures of the unusual rock, we decided to move onwards into the maze. Ah-hah! A checkpoint! (and just to make it even harder for us, their checkpoints are not arranged in order, so you might reach 12 first before finding 4)

Then we walked and walked and walked. Soon, I found another red hairy rock nearer to the exit:

Soon after that, we managed to reach the exit. Two retards with no sense of direction whatsoever took less than 45 minutes to complete the maze. Rip off? Not really. Why? Because once you have finished with the maze, you get to play Mini Golf!

So there you have it. A quick review of the Maize Maze (they call it Amazen' Stuff or something which I don't know why. Maize Maze sounds so much cooler). Doesn't it make you feel like visiting Christchurch? Yes? Then buy me stuff from the duty free shop! Yeah!

Oh, and the solution to the previous post's IQ question is:

"What will the other pikachu say if I ask which way is to the castle?"

Think about it =)

VVIP

2006-02-03T09:34:00.000+13:00

First off, Happy Birthday Tina! (Just a fair warning, her blog design is slightly ... er ... lets just say Kenny Sia won't like it) May you have lots of kinky steamy sex sessions with Patrick Dempsey (or at the very least, have many wet dreams about it). Alrighty, too many hyperlinks in this paragraph. I can just feel Maddox's blood boiling.

Anyway, Righteous is back in Christchurch. Which means no internet connection for me apart from work (the only computer in the house is in his room). So, if you don't hear from me, I'm fine. Siew Funn didn't send me anthrax (yet). Now that Righteous is back, I'm expecting the house to be filled by busty Korean girls taking turns having showers. With the door open. Yeah. My own playboy mansion.

I have found that if you want to get a girlfriend, you don't need the 5Cs. You just need to be the 5Ls : LengChai, LengChai, LengChai, LengChai, LongChai. It doesn't matter if you are dirt poor, possess an IQ lower than a monkey, are a player and treats your girl(s) like shit. Right. However, there are these people that are good looking, rich, smart, has his own house, car and credit card. I've always thought that it isn't fair that some people have all the luck and I've always secretly wished that God gave them a small penis.

What? Fair what. I believe that everything has to be relative. The better looking you are, the smaller your penis. Either that, or you have to be good looking, long penis, dirt poor and stupid like a buffoon. So you see, people like me that are ugly like fark, poor like fark, stupid like fark will have a farking long penis. It balances things out.

If this is the case there won't be anymore bullying in school. Imagine all the hunky football players picking on the nerdy kid in high school. Then after gym, you have to shower together and the jock notices that the nerd has a penis that touches the floor. He then has more respect for the poor nerd. Or they can reach an agreement: "You stop stuffing me into that fucking locker, and I'll keep my fucking long schlong a secret from your girlfriend". See? All the world's problems will be solved if this happened.

I'm sure by now most people will be asking "So does Righteous have a small penis?". No. He has a huge, gigantic penis. His testicles are big as well. (I'm staying at his house rent free. Anyone that offers me to stay at their place and not accept rent has a big penis) So right now I'm waiting for all the bubbly girls to stay over at his place waiting to get a glimpse of his joystick.

Anyhow, I shall end this post with an IQ question that Lynette posed to me.

You are a hunky knight (with a small penis) trying to save the princess from the clutches of the evil overlord. Your journey brings you into a magical maze and with your superb wit, you manage to travel all the way to the end. However, at the exit there is a fork in the road. One way leads to the castle and another leads to your doom.

You look around and notice two magical pikachus that are casting thunderbolt on each other for fun. On noticing you, they said: "Pika pika, one of us always tells the truth, and the other always tells a lie. Because you have a small penis, we answer one question of yours. Only one! Pika pikaaaaachuuu!"

So what will you ask them to know which way is to the castle?

Lynette and Yvonne are banned from answering this since I already told you the answer. I will post up the answer in a few days time. Good luck!

Tina's birthday is TOMORROW!

2006-02-02T08:20:00.000+13:00

Quote (s) of the day:

"Brad Pitt has decided to star in a gay movie after watching Brokeback Mountain. According to him, he wants to do something for the guys and the girls out there"

"The number 1 turn on for men and women according to a survey is: Kissing their necks for women, and hearing a woman moan for men"

- ZM Radio's Morning show

=====================================================================

Today is 2nd of February 2006. Tomorrow is the 3rd of February 2006. The day after tomorrow is .... alrighty, just as an advertisement: TOMORROW , 3rd of Feb, IS TINA'S BIRTHDAY! If I don't blog tomorrow, Happy Birthday girl. I've been to her birthday almost every year since I came to New Zealand, and this will be the first time I'm gonna miss her birthday. So to make it up to her, I'm advertising her birthday on my site. So go buy presents for her and tell her Yoong Wei referred you!

I went to look at a 1 bedroom apartment yesterday since I don't really like the one that we booked (hey, it's the best of the lot). Nick (the landlord) was hot. Opppsss did I just say hot? I mean "easy on the eyes" (ie hot). I could just feel Yvonne's drool leaving a wet trail as we followed him into the bedroom. (Yvonne, don't deny it) We had this conversation when we finished looking at the flat:

Me : Eh, the landlord quite leng chai rite?
Yvonne : OK la. (she is trying to act all macho) The first time I saw him, I was surprised he had a wife.
Me : Hah? Leng chai oni can get married easily wat.
Yvonne : Oh no no, I'm surprised he doesn't have a boyfriend. I mean he looks like someone that takes care of his looks, has a tight body and his house is so neat. Doesn't that ring some warning bells?
Me : Oh yeah, you have a point. But I know he isn't gay lar. My gaydar didn't beep.
Yvonne : .........

Anyway, the flat was really nice. It is fully furnished (the furniture is immaculate), has 2 floors, a study, 2 TVs, a home entertainment system and a dishwasher! Wait, there is more! The most interesting part is, when you walk up the stairs, the first thing you see is this:

That's a doll by the way. Freaky now isn't it? I could feel the drool trail left by Yvonne turning into a pee trail. If I live there, I'm putting a remote controlled CD player somewhere near it. Imagine a dark and stormy night, you are sitting comfortably on the sofa watching porn on the home entertainment system. Suddenly, lightning strikes your house and the lights go off. You slowly walk up the stairs to find the main switch, and suddenly you hear a small girl's voice. Is she counting? You walk slowly, your testicles shrinking with every step.

The girl's voice is getting louder and louder as she counts to 20. Then suddenly, "Ready or not here I come!" You look to your right as you reach the top and you see that doll. Scary leh! I'm gonna so scare all my friends when they visit. So Lynette and Yvonne, wear pampers when you visit k?

Unfortunately, the place is too expensive for me. Well, technically it isn't since its only an extra NZD80 a month. The thing is for a 1 bedroom apartment, if Yvonne finds a job somewhere else, I'll be forced to rent the place til the end of the year. I don't have that kind of money (ahem, *cough donate cough*). So seems like my evil plan will have to wait. *sigh*

Hows your CNY celebrations?

2006-01-31T08:24:00.000+13:00

Quote of the day:

"May your lokams get bigger and firmer, your abolone tighter and juicier, and your lap cheong as long and hard as you'd like" - Lainie, reading her mum's favourite sms aloud in a car full of relatives.

===================================================================

So how is everyone's New Year going? Lots of ang paus, lotsa gambling, lotsa drinking and lotsa eating? Right. Mine has been horribly horribly busy, trying to please my previous landlord so that I can get back my bond, trying to please my future landlord so I'll have a place to stay, trying to please my boss so I won't go hungry, trying to please Yvonne so I don't wake up missing an ear and trying to please my mum so I can get money to use during the year.

I haven't even done my enrolment properly, or done anything to get ready for the new university year. Some of my friends (ok ok just one) have commented that I'm starting to act coldly towards them. It’s not true, I'm just very busy with stuff. So if you are reading this, you know I lurve you right? Riggghhhhttt.

Oh, and for those who don't know yet, I'm currently staying at Righteous's house while he is on holiday in Malaysia. Since he isn't charging me rent, I have to clean up his house, and feed his fishes. I went for a holiday for 2 weeks, and his friend helped feed the fishes during our absence. The horrible thing is, one week after we came back, we saw that some fish were missing. I am always always blur, so I thought I was dreaming things.

Then lo and behold, when Yvonne and I did the occasional water change, we disturbed this "bush" in the aquarium and up came a disgusting thing.

Me : Wah kaoz, what the fuck is that?
Yvonne : I dunno, some kind of fungus kua.
Me : Fungus? Aijio, not good. Eh wait, do you think its possible that its the corpse of the mudsucker?
Yvonne : *looking closely* Ehhhh might be! You see, this looks like the fins, this looks like the tail. Must be the mudsucker lar! Decompose until look like fungus!
Me : Niama!

And it was the mudsucker. It must have died, got swept by the current and got lodged under the plants and started decomposing. It looked very much like a slice of 'asam jawa'. I'm never going to eat asam laksa ever again after this. Guess who had to remove the decomposing body in the end? Well it’s pretty obvious right? There are two people in the house, one that wears the pants, and one that is a fucking pussy.

So yes, Yvonne threw it away. What? Cannot be scared of decomposing fish issit? I have this fear of dead stuff (except dead insects lar). The last time we went fishing and I caught a big fish, I couldn't bring myself to take it out of the hook. I just can't stand the thought that this thing is going to die because of you, and the last thing it will feel is your cold greedy hands prying it away from the fish hook. I'm a wussy, I admit it.

On a lighter note, I know my blog is slowly gaining popularity. Why? Because I received my first "sales person trying to sell me stuff" comment:

"toxic mold symptoms said...

Wait a Minute... READ THIS... I would like you to know about toxic mold symptoms. If you are getting sick often. Visit ..http://moldnhome.com . If You see black powder looking dust on your walls or floors that could be the toxic mold symptoms I'm Talking about.. This can be cleaned with bleach most of the time but beware of how you clean and dispose of the paper towel that you use."

This is a comment on my post about me cleaning up my flat. Fuyo, jealous or not? I know I've made it when someone tries to cheat me into buying something that I don't need.

Oh, and on another note, this blog has its first fan! Although the fan in question is my close personal friend, but still a fan right? (For those who say not counted, please go fuck yourself) Thanks to Siew Funn(aka Chibi), which happens to have a blog that is never updated! Go and drop her a comment and urge her to blog more.

*** ADVERTISING PARAGRAPH ***

Siew Funn is a 20 something girl that looks like a 10 year old (with boobs, butt .... negotiable). I know many 40 year old uncles will desire her since she always gets molested by them. So just to let you know, I'm her official pimp. For all the rich uncles out there, why molest when you can get the real thing? E-mail me for a price quotation, and maybe YOU will be her historic first customer! (Wah seh, like Memoirs of Geisha hoh, auction off her mizuari)

P/S - Leng Chais will get a big discount. The very leng chais might need to just pay $1 for processing fees. The "omg he is so good looking i just had an orgasm looking at him" leng chais, she will pay YOU. So what are you waiting for? Come quick before this quality product is sold out!

*** END ADVERTISING PARAGRAPH ***

Nah Siew Funn, always say I never find rich rich uncle for you.

If you don't hear from me in a few days, it means that Siew Funn has sent Anthrax to my mailbox. Please come to my funeral. Oh and notify my family members as well ya.

Happy Chinese New Year

2006-01-30T08:34:00.000+13:00

Here it is again. The year of the dog. A day where everyone participates in illegal gambling, money is laundered through suspicious little red packets that we conveniently choose to call "Ang Pau", mafia-like family dinners are held and a day where we dab our hands in arson by setting off illegal fireworks. Oh yes, it’s that time of the year again.

This is the first Chinese New Year I'm not spending with my family, which has its ups and downs. Ups being that I don't have to go for family dinners which I totally view as a gathering where parents and relatives get a free pass to poke fun at you.

"Wah, your son so big already? Last time I saw him, he still pees in his pants!"
"Wah! Your son so fat already ar? Boy, you never exercise hah?"
"Wah seh, you in New Zealand? Got sleep with sheep or not?"

Nabeh. The downs would be not getting red packets. Well, I can't really receive any since my grandmother passed away and I have to go through 100 days of mourning. So as not to break some traditions here in NZ, Yvonne and I tried our best to not be left out. So this is what we did:

First of all, our flat is a mess with all the boxes left lying around. So on New Years eve, we decided to give the house a spring clean since by tradition cleaning your house on New Years day signifies bad luck. Now although I don't really believe in these things, I'm living in my friend's flat while he is on holiday. I don't want him to give me an earful when he comes back and knows I cleaned during "Cho Yat" (First day of CNY).

The New Year wasn't as eventful as we planned. It was a scorching hot day, so I slept most of the day (hey, don't judge me). We were supposed to eat dinner then watch Munich, but since I woke up late, we had to put our movie plans on hold. I suggested that we scour the net looking for new recipes to cook, but most of them are either too time consuming, or the ingredients are too difficult to buy here.

So, we went off to the nicest "Tai Chow" (translated = Big Fry, which makes no sense) in Christchurch : Foodsing Restaurant. Since all of my Chinese friends are either having family dinners or on holiday somewhere, there was only two of us having dinner. We ordered a tofu, and hot pot chicken. Oh, and a red bean ice cream drink:

(Oh, and just for the heck of it, here is a picture of another time we went to Foodsing. Hot Pot Tofu, Pork Ribs with Honey Sauce - highly recommended and a medium rice. Total : NZD33)

Then to my horror, we went grocery shopping. I absolutely hate grocery shopping. I can't think of a more useless way of wasting my time. For those who don't understand what the big fuss is about me and grocery shopping, imagine forcing you to watch chess, opera or watching grass grow (which I'm more willing to do than grocery shopping). It bores me. Every single time I grocery shopping, I end up mind fucked and it ruins most of my day.

Just LOOK at the supermarket. Just look at it. Isn't it the most horrid thing to you? It is to me. If I become rich, I'll hire a cook that does all the grocery shopping for me. I can't stand it at all. It makes me sick. Surprisingly, I like normal shopping (ie clothes, gadgets, books). But probably can't stand shopping with girls that make you hold several skirts and wait outside of changing rooms because she is already trying 5 items. Girls, its damn pai seh for us ok. People will point and laugh at us.

Anyway, after grocery shopping (ugh) we went back to watch a DVD that we brought over from Msia - Dragon Squad or something like that. For those that watched it, don't you think Vaness Wu is the gayest person ever?

And that concludes what I did for CNY. Pathetic isn't it? I think this must be the lamest CNY celebration ever. If you think you have a worse experience, do leave a comment. Maybe your misfortune will make me feel better. Bah.

Hiatus (Flat hunting)

2006-01-28T00:06:00.000+13:00

*sigh* Flat hunting is more difficult that I thought it would be. Petrol prices are at an all time high, property value is at an all time high so rental is at an all time high as well. Its difficult for me since all the nice properties for rent is too expensive for me, and the ones that fit my budget is really crap. Bah.

So I won't be blogging much until I find that one flat that I really like and can really afford. Please do e-mail me if you have a nice flat for rent.

Hoyts Cinemas

2006-01-25T10:00:00.001+13:00

*WARNING: Long post ahead. If you fall asleep, hit your head on the table, I bear no responsibility*

I'm a huge movie buff. Huge. I'll go for movies at least once every week (sometimes twice), unless of course there is nothing on that week. So since everyone keeps insisting that Christchurch, New Zealand is a very dead place to live in, and you'll have to share your cinema seat with sheeps, here is a review of Hoyts Moorhouse.

There are a few cinemas here in Christchurch that I can think of. Rialto where they screen all the artsy fartsy movies (and where they don't have a bloody cup holder on their seats), Regent (never been there, so can't comment), Reading Cinema where for sometime it was the "luxury cinema" of Christchurch. And then there is Hoyts. When you do think of Hoyts, think of GSC - its scattered around Christchurch. It has undergone some major renovation work last year, transforming it from "just another cineplex" to "omg, the seats are HUGE!"

On reaching Hoyts Moorhouse, you won't have a problem finding a parking space since they offer customers free parking on their parking lot. Then you head on in to buy tickets. Ticket prices are a tad expensive, NZD13.50 for an adult and NZD11.00 for students anytime after 5pm. But then again, if you frequent the movies as much as I do, you buy yourself a Moviemaxx card.

Its NZD24.50 to get one, and you'll receive 3 free movies, free upgrade from a medium combo to a large one (popcorn+drink) and NZD9.00 tickets everytime (you can buy two tickets with 1 card). And when they say NZD9.00 tickets to any film, they mean it. There isn't small prints saying "not applicable on weekends, weekdays after 5 .. blah blah". Its NZD9.00 for any movie, anytime, anywhere. And occasionally you get coupons allowing you to buy even cheaper tickets:

After buying tickets, you can either head on to the waiting room where there are magazines, and a screen for you to watch trailers:

Or you can head on to the arcade which I usually do:

*WARNING: Bragging ahead* There is this game called "Flaming Finger" where once you put in a token, a maze will appear that you have to trace the path out with your finger and reach the end before the time expires. Then you'll win the amount of tickets stated on the machine (the more people that tried and failed, the higher the amount of tickets). I've won this 4 times. Here is a picture of the machine reluctantly giving out tickets after my 4th win:

Anyway, back to the review. Then after you had your kick at the arcade, you go to the Candy Bar to buy some snacks and drinks. It costs NZD3.50 for a large coke and NZD3.80 for a jumbo sized one. Trust me, the jumbo sized one has enough coke for 3 people. Here is a picture of a large rasberry coke (if you haven't tried it, try it! not the pre-mixed ones that coca-cola made themselves. those suck) that I got. *Note: their straws are wrapped in paper! clean leh!*

Then obviously you give the tickets to the usher and walk towards your hall. If you are in halls 4 or 5, then you are in luck. Hall 4 has THX and Hall 5 has Dolby. And its the biggest halls in Moorhouse. (If you're in Riccarton, its cinema 5 that has the largest screen in Christchuch):

Then comes the interesting part. The seats:

They have HUGE seats! You would have to be like 8 feet tall if you complain that they have little leg space. I can only touch the seats in front of me if I put my butt on the edge of my seat and stretch my legs out. Can you find seats like these in Malaysia? Oh and by the way, the seats in the picture are 'couple seats' and there is no extra charge for them. And they smell nice. Seats in Malaysia smells like stale sweat mixed with puke.

Hows that? NZD9 for seats that are large enough even for king kong. For those that go "Wah, NZD9 damn expensive! Convert already its like MYR23.40! If I pay so much, I want my butt to be wrapped in silk!" True, if you convert then the price is mind-boggling.

But look at it this way. The minimum wage here in NZ is around NZD8-9. So if you work for 2 hours, you can buy a ticket, a jumbo coke and some popcorn. In Msia, minimum wage is RM3.50 (correct me if I'm wrong) and weekend tickets are RM10. So you have to work for 2 hours 51 minutes just to buy a ticket. And another 2 hours to buy a large drink and popcorn. So you spent 4 hours 51 minutes of your life working to enjoy a movie. That puts things into perspective doesn't it?

And I haven't even pointed out the fact that if you want to get couple seats, you have to pay an extra RM2. And the seats are YELLOW! In Christchurch, you can go 5 minutes before the show starts and still get couple seats without a booking. Parking is easy, the lines are short, the staff are VERY friendly and the halls are clean!

For those of you that go "But movies in Christchurch comes out like 5 months after they show it here in msia right?" Nanny McPhee is out in March in Malaysia. I watched it two weeks ago. Same goes to Rumour has it and many others. There are some movies (like Aeon Flux - out in February here) that do take some time to reach the big screen here, and some are out months before Msia. So it evens things out.

So there you go. Another myth busted by Yoong Wei. Christchurch has awesome cinemas, and not a sheep in sight (although I thought I saw one playing flaming finger the other day). So what do you think? Review takes a lot of time you know. Do leave a comment. Even if it is "You suck you fucking piece of lard".

OK maybe not ...

Flat cleaning

2006-01-23T13:08:00.000+13:00

Ugh … it’s the time of the year again. It instills fear into every man, woman and child. Even the most hardened war veteran will shiver when this time comes. Yes my friends, its flat moving time. Moving isn’t such a bad thing. Cleaning up is. I loathe it with all my heart, but hey, I only have myself to blame for not keeping the flat as tidy as it can be so I don’t have to do as much work.

My lease ends on the 31^st of January, and so I started cleaning up the huge mess I’ve left yesterday, thinking that 8 days would be plenty to clean up any amount of junk. Then lo and behold, the landlord rang and asked if it was alright to show prospective tenants around. I closed my eyes and imagined all the dirty dishes, the corners of the bathroom where mold and mildew are having a slumber party and the junk just lying around collecting dust. I almost peed my pants.

Now I can’t say I didn’t try to keep the flat clean. My flat is very very old, and the insulation isn’t that good. So once winter came knocking, so did the mold and mildew. It’s everywhere! On the walls, on the ceilings on the fridge and at one point I could almost swear that if you sat too long on the couch watching TV, mildew will grow on you too.

And we did try cleaning it up constantly. But exams came, and we stopped cleaning for a bit. Then it became out of control. Mildew started growing everywhere. EVERYWHERE! It was growing faster than we can clean it up. How the previous tenants kept it under control is beyond my understanding (mind you, there was already mildew here and there before I moved in).

Then like a miracle, I found the solution 8 days before we were meant to move out. Bleach. Oh yes, bleach. Spray some diluted bleach on the walls, and mildew just screams and dies. Then you just give it a quick wipe. Now why didn’t anyone tell me this?? So now it’s a race to clean up the house before Tuesday night where we are supposed to give the keys to the landlord so he can show people around. It’s the battle of the century. Dirty flat vs. Yoong Wei. I think I’m the underdog here.

P/S – Landlord, if you’re reading this, I’m just kidding. The flat is very clean. Very. If you see any mildew around, it’s been there even before I moved in. Honest. So please don’t sue me. It was the boogeyman that made the mess. Really. Ask him. He should be hiding under my bed.

Buskers Festival

2006-01-22T19:24:00.000+13:00

As promised, here is a quick review of the World Buskers Festival that I went to yesterday (of course, the review comes with pictures)

First thing that I noticed when setting foot to Cathedral Square (if you wonder why its called that, there is a huge cathedral right smack in the center of Christchurch) is the crowd (and the lack of sheep). Now who says that there aren't any people in New Zealand?

On closer inspection, you can see a guy "riding the wave" (no he wasn't on drugs although it looked as though he was).

Now be honest, if you were one of the people in the crowd, and he happened to be right on top of you, would you touch his package? I would. I mean, how can you NOT?

Next, I kept walking towards the Arts Center, and stumbled upon a man on a pogo stick, with a glove covering his head. The glove was covering his nose, so he inflated it bit by bit while bouncing up and down on the pogo stick until it burst.

Lame ... so lets move on.

Mummy mummy! Look look! A moving statue! Right, I know most of you are going "So?". But its my first time seeing one. So don't judge me for getting excited. Bah.

Right, this has nothing to do with the festival. But I just had to put this on. Isn't it beautiful? Don't you feel like coming to Christchurch? Don't you don't you?

And if you do, get me some duty free stuff. Yes yes, get me some, and I'll tell the whole world how big your dick is. Yes yes.

This still has nothing to do with the festival. Its a cafe at the Arts Center called Le Cafe. If you are ever in the neighbourhood, let me warn you they charge NZD3.00 for a Bundaberg Ginger Beer. And they don't even give you ice!

But it was a fantastic day, so oh well, what the heck.

On the way back home, we saw RUSSIAN ACROBATS wearing nothing but red shorts. Obviously Yvonne wanted to stop and ogle at the two naked men (with muscles mind you) touching each other and grinding to the music (ok ok, so that didn't happen)

And they were funny. Oh, and rather agile too if I may add. I enjoyed their show so much, I think they deserve an extra picture:

Here is one where the blonde guy is staring at the other one's crotch. Yvonne seemed to like this part (ok ok she didn't. Yvonne, don't kill me ok?)

Then at the end of the show, I took out my wallet, ready to give them some money since they put on a hell of a show. Just before I was going to step forward, they went:

"Before you go, Dimitri and I must say sorry. All this Russian thing is big shit of bull." *spoken in a thick Russian accent*

"We are actually Australians, and we even have a diploma in performing arts from New Zealand!" *spoken in a thick Australian accent*

Australians? Australians??? I think they would have collected more money if they didn't say they were from Australia. I would have given them money even if they said they were terrorists from Afghanistan. But no, my money is not going to Aussies. Bah.

So there you go. A quick quick glimpse of the Buskers Festival. The festival actually runs for a few days, with stand up comedy acts performed around Christchurch at night. I chose not to go for the acts because 1. I wanted to watch Memoirs of a Geisha and 2. Yvonne doesn't like stand up comedy. And I have no idea why. I think stand up comedians are the funniest people!

Oh, and if anyone is wondering what that big silver thing is in the background of the last picture, I have completely no idea. I guess its just an 'enhancement'. But if YOU do know what its for, drop me an e-mail.

P/S - Just for the record, I was kidding about not giving them money because they were Aussies. I actually like Aussies. Yes I do. Ask my imaginary friend George. He'll set you straight.

Memoirs of a Geisha

2006-01-22T00:38:00.000+13:00

I went to the World Buskers Festival today in Christchurch. Since I'm too lazy to upload photos right now, I'll do it tomorrow. So expect a post with lots of nudity, muscled men touching each other and a mustached man that keeps reminding me of the name Maximus. But still, that is a post for tomorrow.

Today, I went for Memoirs of a Geisha. I'm not going to do a review of it, if you want a review, go to IMDB (Its a 6.6 on IMDB anyway). What I'm gonna say though, is that Suzuka Ohgo (the girl that played the young Chiyo) is so gonna grow up to be a babe. When I told Yvonne that I think she is damn pretty, she called me a pedophile. Fair enough, she is actually only 12, but hell, wait 6 years and she'll be the hottest thing around. If you don't know what all the fuss is about, let me show you:

Right fine fine, pictures do her no justice. But still. We shall see in a few years time if I'm correct or horribly wrong. Anyhow, as I heard on the radio a few days ago : "Beauty is only a light switch away". Which is wrong in so many levels.

Oh and I have to brag about this. The Geisha movie was at 8:30pm (well, thats what its stated in the newspapers) and we reached the cinema at 8:31pm with a long line in front of us. But we still managed to get good seats, buy our drinks and get in before the movie started (which was like 8:40pm). That is one thing I love about Christchurch. In Malaysia, you have to be there at least 8:00 pm the DAY BEFORE to get tickets to popular movies. And we have good cinemas, much better than the crap ones back home. Don't believe me? I'll post up pictures in a few days time. =)

Clumsiness? Or Stupidity?

2006-01-20T22:18:00.000+13:00

I know I shouldn't blog about work. But this is so "eventful" that I can't help myself. And anyway, I'm blogging about something that happened at work, not work itself. But anyway, lets start the story:

I was asked to take the lid of one of the big distillation tanks and in order to do so, I have to unbolt 50 (probably less, but felt like 50) bolts, nuts and washers holding the lid in place. So while doing it, there were a few that were rusted shut, and can't be taken out. Thus, my boss lent me a hand by climbing up on top of the distillation tank (he is my hero man). Now the interesting part. I have illustrated this "historic moment" for all to enjoy:

I'm sure you guys know what happened next. Yes, I fell in. And the drum was filled with SOLVENTS! (I have no idea what solvent was in it, but it looked very much like paint thinner) My right leg went in first. Then the only thing I remember was "Niama! Don't let solvent touch body and face ah!". So I "threw" myself over the drum and onto the floor fast enough so that only my right leg got soaked. Superman or Sohaiman?

I had to take off my pants, socks and boots at that stage. Why? Because I have no idea what solvent it is, and some solvents cause cancer and some just burn the skin off you. Driving back, I was half expecting all my leg hair to have came off and I would be left with a silky smooth right leg that will put any transsexual to shame. Now I'll have something to say when my lecturer asks "Did anyone of you do anything stupid during your internship?"

Now before I tell my friends, I must think of what they might say, and think of a comeback so as to salvage whatever dignity I still have:

Q : Why didn't you just climb off and take the thingy instead of putting your weight on the drum?
A : Because I was lazy lar. The thingy was like 1m from me and ladder was like 5m from me.

Q : Why la you do something so stupid!
A : It was 10 minutes before knocking off, and I've worked on getting the bolts undone for most of the day. I was tired, hungry and not thinking right. Plus the drum itself told me its lid won't come off.

Q : Eh Yoong Wei, you too fat la. If you lose 20 kg, this won't be a problem
A : Go die la you

Q : What did your boss say?
A : "Take off your pants". Oh yes, I was as shocked as you are when he said that.

So there you go. So how? Was it an accident that could be avoided? Was it because I was clumsy and didn't shift my weight properly? Or was it because I was just plain old stupid? I'll let you judge for yourself.

Angry people and pictures

2006-01-20T09:18:00.000+13:00

I went to Northlands Mall yesterday since its Thursday and Northlands opens til 9pm. Now there isn't much going on there as usual, but I did go to a shop named Sweets. They make these amazing looking (they taste alright, but look awesome) candy, and the good thing about it is that they make the candy right in front of you.

Yes you heard it. There is this big glass enclosure, and you can actually watch them making candy. So I did what any blogger would do: Take pictures. Now I didn't see a 'no taking pictures' sign, so I assumed it was alright. Then halfway, this huge bald bloke with a blonde pigtail (I could explain .... but I can't be bothered) that was making the candy cursed at me and told me "No pictures". Now I didn't hear him actually swear at me, but a friend of mine told me.

Now I understand if he is irked. I hate taking pictures. I'll be pissed off if some random fella comes and snap a picture of me while I'm working. However, he was in a GLASS ENCLOSURE! The only reason why you have a glass enclosure is so the visitors (ie me) can look at you (ie big bald bloke with pigtails) making candy. So how can you be pissed that someone is taking a picture? You took the job. You should know people will stare at you. You should know people will try to snap a picture using a camera phone.

Its like if you go into a zoo (pardon the comparison - I'm not comparing the big bald pigtail fella with a monkey ... although I can see the resemblance), take a picture of an orangutan and the orangutan says: "Oi little fuck, no pictures!" Or if you work requires you to be a mascot. How can you be angry if people take your pictures?

But just in case there actually was a sign, I'll refrain from posting the picture until I'm certain there isn't one. Yeah I'm chicken. I don't want the big bloke coming after me. He scares me.

Shrink wrap your bag sir?

2006-01-19T09:53:00.000+13:00

Every year, before lugging my 20 kg luggage bag to my dad's car, he will insist I shrink wrap it. Since it cost RM14 to get it wrapped at the airport, we usually do it at home. I still don't get this shrink wrapping idea. I remember the conversation a few years ago with my dad;

Me: Why do you insist so much on me wrapping my luggage?
Dad: Son, you know there are bad people around. There are people who will cut open your luggage, stuff drugs in it, and let you unknowingly smuggle it through the border for them. If you get caught, its the death penalty for you!

I think the fact that a drug dealer will go up to a random bag, cut it open and put 1 kg of drugs in it is total bullshit. Do you know how much 1 kg of drugs cost? If you are a dealer, would you take the risk of putting 1 kg of drug into a random bag and hope you can find it again at the airport? Siao ah? I wanted to ask my dad "Would you put half a million dollars into a random bag?" No right?

So, I've put in some effort and created a small picture story for all of you :

Which raises up another valid point. If you have a blade sharp enough to cut through my bag which is said to be 'tear-proof', what protection does a few thin layers of plastic gonna do? Its like shrink wrapping your kevlar vest so no one will want to cut you. "Wah, shrink wrap! Cannot cut!" Or wearing two condoms. Yes, I know most will go "But at least you know if someone cuts open your bag".

Are you sure? Most of the time, the wrapping is already half off by the time I reach customs. And at Auckland, I'll be rushing to get on my next flight and can't be arsed opening up my bag to check if someone actually left drugs in. Plus, its a bitch when custom officers ask "Can you please open your luggage so we can check it?" Then you'll have to cut open the wrapping anyway.

Just a thought. You can actually cut the bag, stuff drugs, and wrap another layer around the place where you cut it. So when you get your bag, you see your shrink wrap is still on, so you go to customs. There, the dogs sniff out cocaine, and you are asked to open your bags. And you find 1 kg of cocaine. What do you say? I mean, your bag is SHRINK WRAPPED! It gives the impression that you put the drugs in, then shrink wrap it. The wrapping not damaged what. Then how? I'll tell you how. Your testicles will shrink, you will cry, and they will take you away in handcuffs.

And for those who say "Eh, if they see a cut in the wrapping, they know someone put drugs in", hello, if there is a cut in the bag, isn't it the same? So beats me why some people swear by it. And the clingy wrap is an environmental hazard. Most people throw the wrappings away or recycle it. If you don't shrink wrap, the recycling plant would need to recycle less one ball of clingy wrap. You might be killing fishes if you throw it away. Can you sleep at night if you killed Nemo?

P/S - I'm very sorry for the crude photoshop. I did my best I can with these monkey hands. Wei, gorilla can photoshop not enough for you issit?

1st Post ever

2006-01-18T10:35:00.000+13:00

Right. Welcome to my blog. I set this blog up as a place to put up stuff about humorous things I encounter everyday. So yes, this is a 'funny blog'. With the occasional ramblings when something (probably someone) ticks me off. You will find lotsa pictures, but none of them will be of me since I'm horribly camera shy (being ugly as a toad doesn't help).

I do have another blog reserved for more ... emotional postings. That will be kept private, so don't ask for the address. So on to the 'traditional introduction' ;

If you don't know my name by now you are an idiot (its in the address). I'm a Malaysian, studying in New Zealand (if I hear a sheep or cow joke, I'm gonna shove wool up your arse). I curse a lot, so if you are offended by words like : fuck, shit, motherfucker, cibai, kar cheng and so on, please do leave. I am very much a male, and single at that (again being ugly as a toad really doesn't help).

I guess thats all that I'm willing to let on right now (ie I'm too fucking lazy to type more). And besides, who the hell reads the 'about me' section of any blog unless

1. Its a girl, and she is very chio
2. Its a guy with a body and face that can put Johnny Depp to shame
3. Its someone you want to kill

I'm definately not in the first two, and if I'm 3, like hell I'll tell you more about me. So shoo, go read my other posts, don't pretend you want to know more about me.